Open Strong- therealjohnsanchez

Posted on March 2, 2017 by therealjohnsanchez

My vote matters more than yours. Gerrymandering is alive and well in America and it is undermining the foundation of our democracy. Gerrymandering is a way of drawing voting districts that results in an unfair and unrealistic representation of the public. Luckily, a math professor is using geometry to put a stop to this practice. She has found that her research in metric geometry has a practical application to stopping gerrymandering. She believes that training witnesses that are experienced math can help end gerrymandering by testifying in court.

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1 Response to Open Strong- therealjohnsanchez

  1. davidbdale's avatar davidbdale says:
    March 3, 2017 at 12:54 pm

    Absolutely fantastic first sentence.
    That’s not emphatic enough.
    ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC FIRST SENTENCE.

    Now I’ll read the rest. Good. Quite good. Not as good. Make it better.

    Gerrymandering IS alive and well in America and it IS undermining the foundation of our democracy. Gerrymandering IS a way of drawing voting districts that RESULTS in an unfair and unrealistic representation of the public. Luckily, a math professor IS USING geometry to PUT a stop to this practice. She HAS FOUND that her research in metric geometry HAS a practical application to stopping gerrymandering. She BELIEVES that training witnesses that ARE experienced at math CAN HELP end gerrymandering by testifying in court.

    Your first verb was MATTERS. My vote MATTERS. That ethical and causal claim outperforms any vapid version of the verb TO BE whose claim is that something IS. You have at your disposal but don’t use UNDERMINE, DRAW, DISTORT, DEPLOY, SQUASH, EXPOSE, ELIMINATE, and other robust verbs.

    Love that bold opening. Looking for more of the same.
    I encourage you to revise for an upgrade.
    So far, 2/3

    Reply

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