0:00-0:02
In the first scene, a middle-aged African American guy sits by himself in a residence. Based on the arrangement of the windows, we assume that it is a house. He gazes through the bottom pane of one of two windows. He is in a room with a “glass corner” formed by a third window that is positioned at a right angle to the other two. The dude appears well-groomed. He is only visible from the waist up, but his posture against the window and the fact that he is staring out the lower pane indicate that he is seated, possibly on a bed’s edge. A chair is not in sight. Our view is limited to what is outside the windows. The yard is heavily shaded by the surrounding trees, but the sky is a clear blue color from the tops of the trees. Even though it’s daylight, the man’s room is quite gloomy; we can hardly see anything he’s wearing aside from his solid-colored, dark shirt, which looks to be buttoned up to his neck. He may be dressed for business or play, but not for exercise.
0:02-0:03
For the first two seconds, he is largely still, but we can tell it’s a video because his head shifts sufficiently. Then he makes a little movement with his folded hands, giving the impression that he is praying. He does seem to be staring out the window, and his eyes are open. The tone is gloomy. Alone in a dimly lit room, he muses on a brilliant day’s dark yard. We feel alone, or at least isolated. He states ” I wonder if you know I want the best for you”. The intention of the makers is to convey that he is thinking about something. The product being promoted in this scene is probably a candidate who would need counseling.
0:04-0:05
The next scene transitions into a young African American boy outside on a field in his soccer uniform. He is clearly at a soccer match because he is seated on the ground along with apparent things like a soccer ball and teammates wearing shinguards. He appears to be staring at someone, who we can assume to be a coach, and he is clearly sweating. It seems to be a hot day, with evidence providing the sun beaming on the players, and seeing shadows next to each individual. The child and his teammates are encircled staring at a coach. Everyone is sweating profusely, indicating that they have either finished a game or practice, and a coach is providing them with post-workout comments.
0:05-0:07
The child in the soccer uniform is shown in the following scene, which is a close-up of him listening to his coach. He has a highly sweaty appearance and appears tired and contemplative. He’s scanning the area. The author wants viewers to be aware of how thoughts have the power to divert attention.
0:08-0:10
A father and son are seen working out together outside as the video cuts to a new scene. They are outside, as evidenced by the sweat trickling down their faces, and the humidity is high. The question “But how long will you fight solo?” appears in text on this screen. It is obvious that the father and son are training for an event because they have taped up their hands especially for boxing gloves. They both appear to be focused and in sync as they portray different boxing techniques. One can see having a “strong” mentality in this scene. The author shows that strengthening and focusing come from working through your thoughts.
0:11-0:13
Two men are seen walking around a warehouse carrying boxes as the scenes change. They are breathing heavily and appear tired. The line “I wonder if you know we can get help” appears in the text for this scene. The filmmaker wants viewers to see the advantages of seeking assistance.
0:14-0:16
In the following scene, a boy is in a private room speaking with his therapist. With only one visible window, the room is extremely dark. It is daytime because the sun is shining through. The young boy is seen in the video with only the back of his head visible, but he is motioning with his hands to the therapist as though he’s clarifying a situation. It appears that the therapist is across the room in a chair with a notebook, and he is seated on a coach. Viewers can now see that it’s acceptable to discuss personal issues with others.
0:17-0:18
A new video shows a father and daughter playing outside. With her teddy bear wrapped around her father’s shoulders, the daughter is beaming with happiness. The father is moving to show motion. The image presents a background of a perfectly blue sky. The sentence “Not wondering anymore” appears in this scene’s text.
0:19-0:21
All the visuals finish, but the word “Love” appears on the gray screen. This word is used first by the author to emphasize the value of love in a person’s life.
0:22-0:24
The word “your mind” follows, keeping with the same gray image with the text “Love”. Saying “Love, your mind” as a closing statement. This sentence illustrates for viewers the positive effects of treating yourself and your thoughts with kindness. This video’s goal is to show various instances of people who are caught in personal conflict at the beginning, but it also concludes with showing examples of people who are receiving help.
0:25-0:30
A link to LoveYourMindToday.org, which provides mental health resources, appears on the final screen.
Counterintuitive Fall 2024 
Thanks for posting early, BabyYoda.
I believe this is a new video for me, so I’m completely at your mercy.
I won’t watch it until I read your description. I’ll be hoping to get a strong sense from your description and analysis of 1) WHAT I’LL SEE when I watch the video and 2) WHY THE CREATORS made the hundreds of choices about character, setting, scene, props, etc.
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I’ve read your post, and I’m pretty confused. The little scenarios don’t sound to me as if they would all support a message that “self-love will free me from being trapped inside my own mind.” Either I’m not clear on what I’ll be seeing, or I don’t understand the message, or it’s possible the video is NOT SUCCESSFUL at conveying its message. If so, your job as critic is to point out the shortcomings of the piece (along with its strengths).
I’m going to watch the first two seconds and record what I see. I hope you’ll find my version helpful.
0:00-0:02
A middle-aged African American man sits alone in a house in the opening scene. We guess it’s a house from the way the windows are arranged. He looks out the lower pane of one window, which is one of a pair. A third window is mounted at a right angle to the pair, making a “glass corner” of the room he’s in. Such windows are features of more expensive homes. The man’s hair is close-cropped, and his beard is well trimmed. He looks groomed. We see him from the waist up only, but his position in the window, and the fact that he’s looking out the bottom pane, tells us he’s sitting, perhaps on the edge of a bed. No chair is visible. Outside the windows we can’t see very far. Trees all around the property deeply shade the yard, although we can see bright blue sky through the treetops. It is daytime, but the man’s room is very dark, so dark we can barely see what he’s wearing, except that his shirt is a solid dark color and appears to be buttoned to his neck. It gives him a neat look. He could be dressed for work or leisure but not sport.
He’s mostly motionless for the first two seconds, but his head moves enough so we know it’s video, not a still photo. And he moves his folded hands a bit, which we can see he holds before him. We get a slight indication that he might be praying. But his eyes are open and he does appear to be looking out the window, at what we have no idea. The mood is somber. He’s alone in a dark room contemplating a dark yard on a bright day. We sense isolation and perhaps aloneness. The creators want to establish that he has something on his mind. If they wanted to make him active, or engaged, they would have given him something to do or shown us what he’s looking at, if anything. Maybe he’s just looking inward.
By the end of just 2 seconds, we’re pretty certain this is not a car commercial. It could be the opening scene of a drama. If it does promote a product, the most likely candidate would be a medication. Perhaps counseling.
I don’t know where the video goes from here, or whether all the other people you mentioned are related, whether their stories intersect, or whether they’re all supposed to represent people from different walks of life all experiencing the same thing, but I hope the level of speculation in what I’ve recorded doesn’t put you off. Our minds are very active when we look at video. We make judgements all the time, and very quickly. We’re not always aware what we’re thinking, which is why you and I are slowing this video down long enough to really examine it frame by frame.
Helpful?
Provisionally graded. VERY provisionally. Yours was the first draft from the first student in the class to post on this assignment. Everyone’s second draft is ALWAYS a big improvement over the first on this task. Revisions are encouraged and Regrades are always available. Put this post back into Feedback Please (and ask for a regrade) if you make substantial revisions.
One final comment, BabyYoda. The video ran a little past the 2-second mark one time, and I noticed some text on the screen. I don’t know how you want to handle this, but I do see you didn’t mention it in your first draft. Since it appears on screen, it IS PART of the visual rhetoric, so it should be described. My fear is that it will tell too much of the story and make you less attentive to the visuals. On the other hand, it could provide a basis for critique, such as, “Without the on-screen captions I would not have known how to interpret the facial expressions of the actors. Consider that a possible failure, or call it a problem the creators recognized and fixed by adding a readable commentary on the action.”
thank you for your feedback! i made changes and put the visual rewrite back into the “feedback please” category.
You’re awesome, BabyYoda. I love your responsiveness to feedback.
One question that occurs to me right away before reading through everything regards the tagline/motto/slogan: “Love, your mind.”
It’s that comma that has me thinking the point is not a command to love your mind. It’s a signature line from your mind telling you it loves you.
Love, your professor.
BabyYoda, I’m thrilled by your commitment to feedback and revision. I hope in part at least that you find it personally beneficial and not just a way to keep me happy. Your writing continues to improve, so even if you’re not invested, your readers benefit.
In 00:02-00:03, when you say
I want to note that I believe the “speaker” who’s quoted is the man’s mind. In other words, his mind is professing to have the man’s best interest at heart. Hence, at the end, it’s his mind that signs off with “Love, your mind.” If there’s a product here, it’s not the man; it’s counseling.
00:04-00:07. I haven’t watched the video yet, so I don’t understand the point of the soccer player/coach scene. Is there a parallel between psychological counseling and sports coaching?
00:08-00:10. I’m fascinated by the continuing sports motif following on such a contemplative and passive opening scene. I’m still not catching the trend, and you’re not quite providing me with an answer. Is that because the video fails to make itself clear after 10 seconds? You’re allowed to say so. If the point remains mysterious halfway through the spot, it could easily lose viewer attention and result in tune-away.
00:11-00:13. There’s clearly a lot of physical exertion in these scenes, but also lots of characters. You haven’t suggested that any of the cast repeat. Could any of them be the same people? Are the thinker from the first scene and the soccer player from the second scene the father and son in the third scene?
00:14-00:16. I can picture the scene clearly as you’ve described it, but I still can’t imagine how the scenes coalesce. Guy thinks in the dark / then lots of people sweat / then boy talks to therapist. Did you wonder during the first 15 seconds if ANYTHING would ever connect all the images? [It’s funny that you say the boy sits on a COACH. Of course it’s a couch, but it does remind us of the scene between the boy and his soccer coach.]
00:17-00:18. Huh. The blue sky dominates here. It was barely visible through the trees in the first scene in which (perhaps) a man’s troubled thoughts kept him from noticing a lovely day outside. This is the second father. Was either of the fathers the man from the opening scene?
00:19-00:21. By “the author” here I think you mean the filmmaker or the video creator. That’s fine, but I don’t want to misinterpret you. The on-screen language has a “speaker,” I guess, even if the words are only heard by the characters in their minds.
00:22-00:24. I like “treat yourself with kindness.” I get the sense the point of the “ad” is to emphasize that we can love ourselves or not, and that we sometimes let our minds overwhelm our feelings, maybe even talk ourselves out of being happy or appreciative. I don’t know. I’m struggling to find the clear theme.
I’ll watch the video now and restrict my final remarks, if any, to 100 words or so.
My final thought is that the makers of this spot tried to get too big a message into too small a space. 30 seconds is enough to tell a lot of stories, but I’d be very surprised if there isn’t a longer version of this spot that’s much more successful. You’re allowed to critique the ads for their shortcomings. I’d call this one a fail.
Regraded with gratitude for the improvements. Additional grade improvement is still available EVEN AFTER you have built a complete Portfolio. Revisions are encouraged and Regrades are always available. Put this post back into Feedback Please (and ask for a regrade) if you make substantial revisions.