Visual Rewrite – MillyCain

0:00 – The shot opens in an underwater setting with a professional diver equipped with scuba tanks and flippers in the middle. The entire shot is very dark, apart from a small oval of light that surrounds the diver, and this light stars from the top of the shot and almost reaches the bottom. About 30% of the left and right sides of the shot respectively are pitch black, and the visible oval is still a dark and dull shade of blue. The camera is positioned slightly below the diver, and the diver is facing away from us at a 45 degree angle. The diver is also in a face-down position. The diver is close enough to the camera so that we can tell where their hands are, but still far enough so that we cannot count their fingers. A rock structure is visible in the left portion of the oval of light, and appears to expands beyond the boundaries of whats visible. While the surface of the water is not visible, the small about of light that we do have means that we are in pretty deep water. The diver breathes and bubbles shoot up out of the scuba gear.

The most prevalent aspect of this shot is the oval of light that surrounds the diver. It seems to be light coming from the surface, but the surface itself is not visible in this shot, so there is a possibility that this is an unnatural light placed by the director. Either way, the dark blue shade of the water means that we are deep in the ocean, which is what’s important. This means that the diver is alone, which is backed up by the empty feeling we get from the diver being pretty far from the camera.

0:00-0:02 – The first shot pans slightly to the left before cutting to a different angle of the diver. The camera doesn’t pan on a straight path, it sways and moves as if the person holding it is also swimming. The diver is still taking the same breath that he was taking at the end of the first shot. The camera is now slightly above and slightly closer to the diver, but the diver is still facing in a similar direction and is in the same face-down position as the first shot. The oval of visible light is now gone, and the entire shot is composed of that shade of blue. To the right of the diver, there is a structure that is blocking some of the shot. It is completely black and it is unclear what it is exactly. To the left of this, there is another structure that is unidentifiable. What is known about these structures is that they are not part of the rock formation that has been shown before. Their unnatural shape means that they are most likely human made, so this is remnants of some kind of shipwreck.

This is another establishing shot that is meant to evoke an emotion for the viewer. The shaky camera and the dark and empty space that the diver is occupying evokes an emotion of fear, or at least discomfort. The diver could be diving in a bright tropical environment with coral reefs and exotic fish, but he is in a dark, empty environment where some structures cannot be identified. Feelings of uneasiness begin to creep in.

0:02-0:06 – The shaky camera continues to pan left before cutting again to a close up of the diver. The camera is placed on the divers chest, and it is facing up towards his face. The divers head is now visible and their deep sea goggles and breathing tube can now be seen for the first time. The surface is now also 100% visible for the first time in the top right corner, but it is quite a ways away. There is a lighter shade of blue near this surface, but it gets much darker as is gets further away. It has a gradient-like effect. The camera starts moving upward and around the diver’s head before cutting again.

This shot enhances the feelings that were evoked from the previous shot. The emptiness of the space is really starting to be felt.

0:06 – The diver is now in the middle of the shot. He is almost facing the camera directly and is close enough for his individual fingers to be made out. He is holding a flashlight and the light that it emits is almost the only light in the entire shot. The diver is surrounded completely by the darkest shade of blue that you can get before its black. Nothing else besides the diver is visible in the shot.

At this point, there are no more questions about what this is trying to evoke. This diver is completely alone in the dark ocean, and the shaky camera only adds to the suspense. We are meant to be worried about the diver.

0:06-0:09 – The diver begins to turn himself towards the camera and the light from the flashlight gets shines directly into the camera. It has a blinding effect for the viewer. As he gets closer to completely facing the camera, lots of bubbles begin to shoot out from his scuba mask, more than we’ve seen from the breaths that he has taken previously.

Whatever he is turning to look at is scaring him because of the faster breathing. Something bad is about to happen.

0:09 – The camera cuts to a shark that is swimming directly towards the camera, as well as the diver. The environment that the shark is in is similar to the one that the diver was in in the previous shot, it is very dark. The shark’s body is taking up most of the shot, but the bits of the ocean that are visible are dark. The slight camera sway that has been present throughout the entire ad so far is now a full on shake and the viewer’s attention is all over the place.

0:10 – The camera quickly cuts back to the diver, almost directly in front of his face. For the first time, his facial features are visible. He appears to be a white man who has a small mustache. For this small moment, we can see that his face is full of fear. This shot of his face is on screen for such a small amount of time that one would not be able to see this fear without pausing. In real time, fear is evoked into to viewer by the quick cuts and extremely shaky camera.

0:10-0:11 – The camera cuts back to the shark. The shark quickly swims up to the camera and begins to open its mouth towards it. The camera is the perspective of the diver, who is getting attacked by the shark. Of course, the shaky camera is present.

The entire sequence from 0:09-0:11 is used to convey fear into the viewer. The quick cuts and out-of control camera heavily contrast from the establishing shots that were much longer and smoother by comparison. This also gives a payoff to the viewer after viewing those opening shots as well. All of the suspense that is created in those ominous and intriguing opening seconds is delivered upon in this attack scene that contrasts those in every way.

0:11-0:12 – As the shark bites down, the camera pans away to reveal that this entire scene with the diver and the shark was actually being played on a phone. As the camera gets further away, we see see that this phone is being held in the right hand of a man who is operating a car with his left hand. The camera is facing down towards the pedals, so we can only see the man’s hands, thighs, and the smallest bit of his torso. The only thing visible in the car s the steering wheel and part of the dashboard. White text in the middle of the screen spelling, “Think that’s scary?” appears and stays until the next shot.

This shot reveals that the scene with the diver is not actually happening in real time. It is most likely a movie or show that is being played on the driver’s phone. The white text is most likely setting up a comparison between the unsettling scene with the diver, and whatever is about to happen next.

0:13 – The camera cuts to the man who is holding the phone. The camera is positioned in the passenger’s seat of the car, and is facing the right shoulder of the driver. The driver is a man who appears to be in his mid 20s to early 30s. The man is operating the car while looking down at his phone which is playing the scene with the diver that we just watched. Looking down isn’t enough to describe it, his eyes are glued to his phone screen, away from the road. The man’s expression is one of surprise; he most likely just witnessed the jump-scare with the shark that we just saw. Outside of the window, a house is visible meaning that we are in some kind of residential area. There are trees, sidewalks, and houses all present. No other cars or people are seen at this point. The wether conditions are also perfect as there is no rain or snow present, and it seems to be a beautiful day, likely in the late morning or early afternoon. The man also seems to be well put together as he is dressed in nice attire and his car is clean.

The point of this shot is to establish that he is not focusing on the road. He is heavily invested in the movie that is playing on his phone, and his attention is not on the road. The residential area that he is in means that it is likely for there to be other people are cars around. The fact that the camera is facing the side of him that is holding the phone means that the director’s wants our attention to be on the phone.

0:14 – The camera is now in the back seat of the car, facing the windshield. The man is still holding his phone, and we can see that he is still looking down because of his reflection in the rear-view mirror. The view from the windshield is now visible, and it reveals a woman who is crossing the street, glancing in the direction of the moving car. She is wearing a denim jacket and a backpack of some kind. A stop sign is also visible in the far right hand corner of the shot. The camera is not angled in a way that we can see the road that the woman is trying to cross, but there is a visible crosswalk on the other side of her. This means that she is likely crossing on a crosswalk herself because its part of the same intersection. In other words, she is legally crossing the street. Just as the shot ends, the man’s eyes in the mirror begin to look up.

The first thing that draws our attention in this shot is the woman. She isn’t directly in the middle of of the shot, but she is visible through the windshield rather than the side windows, which makes it look like she is about to get hit. The other thing that grabs attention in the rear-view mirror. The camera is positioned so that the reflection in that mirror is the man’s eyes, which are looking down. Both the woman and the mirror are close together (composition wise), so the viewer is able to process both in the short amount of time.

0:14-0:15 – The camera is now positioned directly behind the steering wheel, facing the man who is now looking out of his windshield. he is positioned in the direct middle of the shot, and the rest of his car and the view from outside all of the windows are too blurry to make anything out of. His expression quickly goes from neutral to worried, as he opens his mouth perks up into his chair. The camera cuts to his feet slamming on the breaks. His white shoes contrast with the black interior of the car and black pedals.

The man is now breaking, and there is no mistake about it. He has realized that he is about to crash into another person, and is quickly reacting to break before he hits her. The contrast between the color of his shoes and the interior of the car make this even more clear than it already was.

0:15-17 – The camera has moved to the sidewalk to the right of the car, and is following the car from behind as it moves closer to the woman, who is also visible in the shot. We see the stop sign from earlier in full, and we can also see that the woman was in fact crossing on a crosswalk, legally, and that the driver is whose at fault here. As the car moves closer to the woman, she begins to turn towards the car, hold her arms out, and open her mouth, most likely yelling in fear. Just as the collision is about to occur, the camera cuts to knee level, facing the woman’s left shoulder who is now facing the car directly. Its a similar angle to a pylon camera in an NFL game to see if the ball crossed the endzone or not. The car inches up and bumps into the woman, nonviolently. The woman is able to stay on her feet, and gives a relieved but annoyed expression.

This shot establishes not only that the collision happened, but that it also could have been a lot worse. The director could have made the decision to cut out the collision entirely, suggesting that the crash was too graphic to show, and that the woman did not survive. However, she okay, and theres a reason for that. Think back to the “Think that’s scary?” from earlier. The viewer was being asked to compare the scare level of the shark to what’s happening here. All signs pointed to the woman being severely injured in the crash, but she wasn’t. The audience will be relieved the watching this because they were expecting the worst. After this initial stage of relief, they will once again think about how what they witnessed was scary, but it still could have been so much worse.

0:17-0:20 – The camera cuts to directly in front of the woman’s face. The only other thing we see besides her upper half is some blurry trees in the back. Her expression is once of relief, but she is heavily panting, trying to process what just happened. A few moments later, the camera cuts back to the shot of the mans face behind the steering wheel. His expression is one of terror. He is also panting, similarly to the woman, but he looks like he just saw his life flash before his eyes.

This portion gives the viewer some time to process the same thing that the characters in the ad just had to process. It allows them to sit with the consequences of driving while looking at their phone, but also to once again thing about how this could have been much worse.

0:20-0:23 – A black screen with white text that reads, “The real danger is distracted driving.”

0:23-0:26 – The camera is placed in the drivers seat of the car, close to the cupholder. It reveals that the man’s phone is now in the cupholder, and not in his hand. The camera cuts back to that same angle behind the steering wheel, showing the mans face. He now is looking out of the windshield, with a slight grin. His expression is one of confidence and pride.

0:26-0:30 – The previous shot holds, and white text goes across the screen reading, “Eyes forward, Don’t drive distracted.”

0:20-0:30 is where they really spell out the advertising for you. It warns against distracted driving, and it shows how focused driving can give you a more confident and positive look. The final shot reveals the purpose behind the ad, and it’s to warn against distracted driving.

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6 Responses to Visual Rewrite – MillyCain

  1. millycain's avatar millycain says:

    I’d like feedback on two things here. The first is that I want to make sure that the rhetoric aspect is good. I think I did an okay job but I’m not sure if I was confusing the film-making aspects of the ad with actual rhetoric or not. The other is how much more concise this should be. I know this is long, but I felt like every word had its purpose so I want to hear your opinion on it.
    Thank you in advance 🙂

    • davidbdale's avatar davidbdale says:

      I’m answering your Request first, MillyCain because, although it was not the earliest request, it asked specific questions, which others did not.

      Now I hope I can restrain myself from going all random on you and actually answer your questions.

  2. davidbdale's avatar davidbdale says:

    “Film-making aspects” are HOW observations. Rhetoric aspects for this assignment are WHY observations.

  3. davidbdale's avatar davidbdale says:

    One segment at a time.
    Judging from the opening screenshot, I’m not familiar with this video.
    I’ll respond to what you tell me and decide only later how well you prepared me for the argument I will view after I’ve made this set of Replies.

    0:00 – The shot opens in an underwater setting with a professional diver equipped with scuba tanks and flippers in the middle.
    —in the middle of the screen?

    The entire shot is very dark, apart from a small oval of light that surrounds the diver, and this light stars from the top of the shot and almost reaches the bottom. About 30% of the left and right sides of the shot respectively are pitch black, and the visible oval is still a dark and dull shade of blue.
    —Ohhhh! The oval is vertical (like a keyhole) not horizontal (like an eye).
    —You could probably explain that the diver is oriented horizontally, or facing UP or LEFT on the screen and then the oval would almost automatically form around the body in our minds. It may not matter, ultimately, but I appreciate your willingness to be specific. What matters is often unclear until the end.
    —What I would like to know, if it’s clear, is whether, since we’re underwater, is whether we see the diver’s front or back. We’d be unlikely to see much of the tanks if we have a front view.

    The camera is positioned slightly below the diver, and the diver is facing away from us at a 45 degree angle. The diver is also in a face-down position.
    —Thank you. This interaction should confirm that I’m responding AS I READ instead of looking ahead.
    —So, we’re below the diver and behind the diver but not directly behind?
    —Is this, therefore, a POV shot? Are we supposed to imagine that we’re diving WITH the diver, a bit behind and following or accompanying the diver? Do you get that sense?
    —Or are we a fish? A shark?

    The diver is close enough to the camera so that we can tell where their hands are, but still far enough so that we cannot count their fingers.
    —You’re using non-gender pronouns because the diver’s gender is unknowable from our angle? or because you don’t want to misgender the diver?
    —I do like how you measure distance: finger-countably close?

    A rock structure is visible in the left portion of the oval of light, and appears to expand beyond the boundaries of what’s visible.
    —Still orienting here. I guess we’re not so far below the other diver that we’re looking UP at him/her. Otherwise, the rocks would be floating. So, we’re looking at a diver, with light above? from the sun? not from an underwater source of light? and from an angle that gives us a forward view of the diver, an upward view of the sunlight, and a downward view of rocks on the bottom of whatever body of water we’re in.

    While the surface of the water is not visible, the small about of light that we do have means that we are in pretty deep water.
    —Feel my confusion.

    The diver breathes and bubbles shoot up out of the scuba gear.
    —You’re doing great. This is super hard. I’m feeling my way. Like somebody tossed me overboard and I’m figuring out which way is up so I don’t drown. Maybe THAT’S the feeling of the opening shot! 🙂

    The most prevalent aspect of this shot is the oval of light that surrounds the diver.
    —I agree. Its source is mysterious.

    It seems to be light coming from the surface, but the surface itself is not visible in this shot, so there is a possibility that this is an unnatural light placed by the director.
    —Oh, Milly. I hope this is really important. The time we’ve spent on it will seem a monumental waste of a single second otherwise! 🙂

    Either way, the dark blue shade of the water means that we are deep in the ocean, which is what’s important.
    —Ocean! I won’t argue. It’s the impression you got, so it’s the impression the filmmaker has to take responsibility for.

    This means that the diver is alone, which is backed up by the empty feeling we get from the diver being pretty far from the camera.
    —Well . . . THAT doesn’t mean the diver is alone. The ocean, I mean. But that distance is crucial. Thank you for that. If we’re far enough from the lone diver to see that he/she is unaccompanied, you’re right.
    —It doesn’t explain OUR presence yet. We might BE a companion. Is there any way to feel that out?

    0:00-0:02 – The first shot pans slightly to the left before cutting to a different angle of the diver.
    —That’s pretty meaningless.

    The camera doesn’t pan on a straight path, it sways and moves as if the person holding it is also swimming.
    —But THIS is very important. Thank you for this. It establishes that WE ARE, in fact, along for the dive. Crucial information. I hope the filmmaker intended it.
    —So far, we’re looking mostly at HOW.
    —If you want to make rhetorical remarks here, tell us WHY the camera makes hand-held motions. Is it to ESTABLISH that we’re in the water with the diver?
    —A diver observed by a stationary camera (or the eye of a crab on the sea floor) might truly be alone.
    —Does it make us sense the same PERIL as the diver? The same WONDER?
    —If it turns out we’re NOT supposed to consider this diver accompanied, PLEASE criticize the filmmaker for sloppiness. The camera work should ADVANCE not THWART the storyline. Even a second of thinking the diver was not alone frustrates our understanding. A few seconds of not knowing and we’re halfway through the 30-second spot ARGUING with the video instead of being persuaded by it.

    The diver is still taking the same breath that he was taking at the end of the first shot.
    —So, he’s a he-diver.
    —Is this new information?
    —My first semester as a composition professor I asked my students to decide whether to describe the dog we could see only from a distance as male or female. I didn’t want to call it “it.” They said we were too far to know. I said—can you guess?—if you want to declare the gender of a distant dog, choose male. You can’t be sure a distant dog is female, but at the right angle, you can identify a male from far away.
    —Maybe not the same for divers in wet suits. 🙂

    The camera is now slightly above and slightly closer to the diver, but the diver is still facing in a similar direction and is in the same face-down position as the first shot.
    —To be clear, WE’VE moved closer to the surface of the water, or the diver (once again genderless, I note) had dived a bit?
    —And does this move reinforce our feeling that we too are diving?

    The oval of visible light is now gone, and the entire shot is composed of that shade of blue.
    —Pretty.
    —That’s because we’re ABOVE the diver looking DOWN, and the light came from above the surface of the water?

    To the right of the diver, there is a structure that is blocking some of the shot.
    —I like this.
    —That we don’t know is fine for a second or so.
    —I do wonder, and maybe this is WAY TOO SPECIFIC, but do we associate the “structure” with the earlier “rock structure” from a few nanoseconds ago?
    —ALSO, I am a massive pain in the ass, but decide for yourself whether “right of” or “left of” matter at all to the description.
    —”Ahead of the diver” might be enough.

    It is completely black and it is unclear what it is exactly.
    —Got it.

    To the left of this, there is another structure that is unidentifiable.
    —Again, PIA, “next to it” could satisfy if we’ve dispensed with “left” and “right.”

    What is known about these structures is that they are not part of the rock formation that has been shown before.
    —Thank you. And I hope that you answering the question I asked earlier was a good illustration of EXACTLY HOW and WHEN we INTERPRET what we’re looking at, always wanting to put everything into context IMMEDIATELY.
    —Yesterday I was rude to a student who said she didn’t know whether the Asian man in the first frame of the Thai Life Insurance commercial was in the city of the country.
    —The truth is, we DO KNOW.
    —We might later find out WE WERE WRONG.
    —But that doesn’t mean we didn’t know. We weren’t in doubt. We were just wrong.

    Their unnatural shape means that they are most likely human made, so this is remnants of some kind of shipwreck.
    —That’s a MASSIVE CONCLUSION from a glimpse, WHICH I LOVE.
    —It demonstrates what I’ve been saying.
    —We figure out WHERE WE ARE and WHO’S THERE WITH US almost immediately, then seek confirmation only if needed.
    —We DON’T EVEN ENTERTAIN OBJECTIONS to our stereotypes and reflex reactions unless new information contradicts the setup.
    —We WILLINGLY COLLABORATE in the conclusions the filmmaker wants us to draw AS LONG AS THE DIRECTOR MAINTAINS CONTROL of the images.
    —Pardon me, just talking to myself now. Realizing exactly how applicable this lesson is to writers.

    This is another establishing shot that is meant to evoke an emotion for the viewer.
    —The shaky cam being the first?
    —That shot established the diver wasn’t alone, for me.
    —That means WE’RE on the dive too, right?

    The shaky camera and the dark and empty space that the diver is occupying evokes an emotion of fear, or at least discomfort.
    —So the reason we’re fearful now is that WE’RE at risk, right?
    —Until we knew we were in the water, we might have been afraid for THE DIVER!
    —If that subtle shift of perspective from “I’m watching someone dive,” to “I’m along for a dive” makes the reader feel MORE PERSONALLY INVESTED in the danger that’s lurking, then . . . talk about an emotional impact boost!

    The diver could be diving in a bright tropical environment with coral reefs and exotic fish, but he is in a dark, empty environment where some structures cannot be identified.
    —Genius remark.
    —This happens in “the city” not “the country.”
    —The evocation of a particular environment is crucial.
    —The diver is “he” again.
    —What did we see?

    Feelings of uneasiness begin to creep in.
    —Not to mention feelings of creepiness when your professor keeps needing to identify gender from a distance. 🙂

    I’m going to stop here, MillyCain.
    I’m trying to respond to 10 Feedback Requests today, and I’m not notching them very fast. You’re good for now, right?

    (I might go look at the first second of video now.)

  4. davidbdale's avatar davidbdale says:

    Watched the first two seconds.
    I might have said the diver in the middle of the screen is floating slowly away from a vertical underwater cliff to one side.

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