1 Response to Purposeful Summary– GamersPet

1. davidbdale says:

   October 3, 2024 at 4:33 pm

   GamersPet, every semester I have to adopt a special degree of attention to students who are not only absorbing college level curricula but who are also struggling to gain fluency in a new language. I will provide as much feedback of the second type as you’re willing to put up with. If my remarks are overbearing, please let me know. I’ll do my best to find a balance, and to grade you according to the degree to which you’re making progress on both of your learning tracks.

   That said, I have two type of

   1. You need to provide your reader, who HAS NOT READ the material you have read, with enough background information to understand what earthquake, and what girl, you’re referring to. You don’t need to mention the authors of the original material, or name the photographers, but we should be told when and where the earthquake occurred AND that the photograph of Fabienne traveled around the world and earned big prizes for the photographers, for example.
   2. Your sentences need a lot of work to be fluent English, as noted above. Many of them are fragments, not sentences at all. For that, I’ll provide some rewrites below as models. Putting them together won’t earn you any credit, but learning from them would. And any revisions you make BEYOND adopting my new sentences could improve your grade if you decide to revise what you’ve done here.

   It seems counterintuitive how a single person’s death from another human can capture the attention of the readers versus a vast majority of deaths from natural disaster makes a difference.

   —It seems counterintuitive that a single person’s death at the hands of another human can capture more attention than thousands of deaths from a natural disaster.

   From a single ordinary girl that nobody from the outside world cares about to a symbolic girl that now swayed the people emotionally just because of a single drastic event.

   —A single ordinary girl that nobody from the outside world cared about was transformed by a tragic event into a symbolic girl who moved everyone emotionally.

   Fabiennne Cherisma was just an ordinary girl who is no different from other people with a dream and ambition of becoming a nurse ended by a life of a police during the aftermath of the earthquake.

   —Fabiennne Cherisma was just an ordinary girl, no different from other people with the dream of becoming a nurse, whose life was ended by police during the aftermath of the earthquake.

   The fact her death captured the vast majority of the readers attentions because it didn’t ended her life by nature, but by another human compared to other victims who died or crushed by rubble.

   —Her death captured readers’ attentions because compared to the thousands who were crushed under the rubble of fallen buildings, her life was ended by another human.

   This also implies to the photographers who captured the image of her death because out of all of the people who are crushed, stuck, or died under rubble which was caused by nature, they rather choose her death because it was caused by another human being.

   —The dozen photographers who captured the image of her death chose her because she was shot by police, not by nature.

   The question of why people started to care for a single random person specifically than the others because most people believed that they can’t control nature, and let nature do its course which doesn’t last long to remember or cared about, but humans acted at that moment will spark the debate of who is morally right or wrong.

   —People started to care for a single random girl specifically because we believe we can’t control nature, which takes its course and whose victims we don’t remember for long. But when humans respond badly to a tragedy, we have to debate who is morally right or wrong.

   Does that help you at all?

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