Purposeful summary—Who’sOnFirst?

Posted on September 25, 2024 by Who'sOnFirst?

It seems counterintuitive that a media debate should seem more important than saving lives. In January, 2010, Fabienne Cherisma, a 15 year old survivor of the Port-au-Prince earthquake in Haiti, was killed by a stray bullet. Media flocked to the repulsive scene, each camera vying to capture the best picture. Many were repulsed by the photographers boldness to capture a picture. The picture, which was meant to spread awareness to the terrible situation in Haiti, instead became the source of a terrible media frenzy as everyone became a judge in their own personal court of justice.

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1 Response to Purposeful summary—Who’sOnFirst?

  1. davidbdale's avatar davidbdale says:
    October 11, 2024 at 2:56 pm

    This is excellent, Who’sOnFirst?, with small exceptions. Rather than hint at what they might be, I’d like to model some improvements without your permission and invite you, if you think you need to, to further improve on my draft.

    Note that among other things, I’ll be getting rid of the two “seems,” the two “repulsives,” and the two “terribles.”

    It seems counterintuitive that a media debate should be considered more important than the life of a girl. In January, 2010, Fabienne Cherisma, a 15-year-old survivor of the Port-au-Prince earthquake in Haiti, was killed by a stray bullet during the looting that followed. Photographers flocked to her dead or dying body, each vying to capture the best picture for their newspapers. Readers were repulsed by the photographers’ disrespect. The pictures, which were meant to spread awareness to the natural disaster in Haiti, instead became the source of a terrible media backlash as everyone became a judge in their own personal court of justice.

    Notice that “the life of a girl” connects the photographers to the story better than “saving lives.”

    The “looting that followed” explains the stray bullet AND connects Fabienne’s death to the day of the earthquake.

    The “dead or dying body” makes the photographers seem especially callous since it suggests they didn’t know if she was alive.

    The “for their newspapers” places the photographs into a context you did not provide.

    And “the natural disaster” returns us to the earthquake more clearly than the “terrible situation.”

    I hope that’s not too intrusive. I will grade this now, and you can decide whether to improve your work further.

    Reply

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