Robust Verbs – Mongoose449

Original

There is a huge problem in Vancouver with heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits. The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything they can to stop the addicts. The problem is that there is a large crime rate due to the addicts. It is obvious that addicts have a hard time getting through their day to day lives. Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of the fact that they are using. By heroin users being addicted, they will do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug. The types of crimes committed are those of breaking and entering as well as stealing. There are no limits to where they will go to retrieve this drug so that they can feed their addiction. The problem with this program is that it won’t help to ween these addicts off using heroin. It is only trying to save the city from rising crime rates that they’re up to. By providing the drug, these addicts will be off the streets, which in turn will prevent them from committing minor street crimes. This will also keep the heroin users out of the hospital. It is pointless that the hospitals have to deal with people that want to use bad drugs or unsanitary needles and find themselves being unable to afford hospital bills and hard to cope without the drug. This program gives people free heroin in the cleanest way possible. This will in turn fix the city  but not the addiction that these people face.

In Vancouver, heroin addicts commit crimes to support their habits doing whatever they can to acquire the drug. The program, “free heroin for addicts” is attempting everything they can to take the addicts off the streets, yet it is clear that addicts are struggling through their day to day lives. A job, social interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain when constantly using. Those addicted will do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug, no matter the cost. Yet the program doesn’t uncover the root cause. The program only seeks to prevent minor street crimes and keeping users out of hospital. This program provides users clean heroin and the city higher reputation, yet offers only a stop-gap solution to the shadow heroin addiction casts over the city.

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2 Responses to Robust Verbs – Mongoose449

  1. davidbdale's avatar davidbdale says:

    It appears you copied the crappy paragraph into your post and neglected to improve it.

  2. davidbdale's avatar davidbdale says:

    In Vancouver, heroin addicts commit crimes to support their habits doing whatever they can to acquire the drug.

    —”whatever they can” is weak
    —like what: vandalism?

    The program, “free heroin for addicts” is attempting everything they can to take the addicts off the streets, yet it is clear that addicts are struggling through their day to day lives.

    —”everything they can” is weak
    —like what: shoveling them off the sidewalk?

    A job, social interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain when constantly using.

    —Who’s using?

    Those addicted will do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug, no matter the cost.

    —”whatever they have to do” is weak
    —like what: holding down a steady job?

    Yet the program doesn’t uncover the root cause.

    —”uncover” is a nice verb for “root,” but you know the root cause. It doesn’t need to be discovered. It needs to be solved.

    The program only seeks to prevent minor street crimes and keeping users out of hospital.

    —”only seeks”?
    —are you sure that’s where you want the “only”?
    —minor street crimes like running red lights?

    This program provides users clean heroin and the city higher reputation, yet offers only a stop-gap solution to the shadow heroin addiction casts over the city.

    —The program . . . provides the city higher reputation?
    —A solution to the shadow?

    You did solve a lot of problems, Mongoose, but your own sentences could be so much better.

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