Robust verbs- lil.sapph

Posted on November 17, 2024 by lil.sapph

Vancouver has a huge problem caused by heroin addicts committing crimes to support their addiction. The “free heroin for addicts” program aims to stop this by giving free heroin to them in the cleanest way. Clearly the addicts’ dependency on the substance leaves them to struggle to maintain jobs, interactions, and relationships. With this dependency, crimes they commit including breaking and entering as well as stealing regularly bring up crime rate in the city. Providing the drug only takes these addicts off of the street preventing them from committing those minor street crimes. The safe administration of this drug to the addicts functions to stop many of them from ending up in hospitals for their using and use of unsanitary needles. When they are released, the hospital bills are unable to be afforded by these patients who then find themselves still unable to cope without the drug. Unfortunately, while the program will the city from rising crime rates, it won’t save these individuals from the heroin addiction they face. 

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2 Responses to Robust verbs- lil.sapph

  1. davidbdale's avatar davidbdale says:
    November 17, 2024 at 3:37 pm

    Giving free heroin to heroin addicts seems to be the solution Vancouver is trying to stop increasing crime rates caused by these addicts.

    —Your version makes improvements on the original, but surely you can see it’s a bad sentence in itself.

    Struggling with their day to day lives due to their dependency on the substance leaves them with no choice but to commit any crime to get their fix, including breaking and entering and stealing.

    —How does this follow your first sentence logically? Free heroin reduced the crime rate.

    This rise in these crime rates led Vancouver to come up with a solution to fix just that problem.

    —By “these crime rates” do you mean the rate of breaking and entering AND the rate of stealing?

    This program intended to lower the crime rates by offering clean and free heroin to these addicts to avoid crimes they would commit trying to get it.

    —Did it or didn’t it? You are wandering back and forth on this claim.

    Not only would it lower crime, but it would also lower hospital admittances due to the use of unsanitary needles by these addicts, who then find themselves unable to pay resulting hospital bills.

    —WOULD it? Or DID it? Or DIDN’T it?
    —Did the use of unsanitary needles lower hospital admittances? Your sentence says it did.
    —Very clumsy combining a claim about REDUCED hospital admissions with a claim about the inability to pay the bills.

    While it does not reduce the opioid addiction these people face, it will fix the city’s crime rate. 

    —That makes 4 ways to describe the program. It DID lower the crime rate (here it’s just ONE crime rate); it DIDN’T lower the rate; it WOULD lower the rate; and, it WILL fix the rate.

    My guess is that you were so focused on fixing the obvious problems with the original draft that you didn’t pay any attention to your own paragraph, lil.sapph.

    I think you can do much better. Try again for a Regrade. This one will do you no good.

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  2. davidbdale's avatar davidbdale says:
    November 30, 2024 at 12:27 pm

    Better but still soooooo verbose. Also:

    When they are released, the hospital bills are unable to be afforded by these patients who then find themselves still unable to cope without the drug. 

    —A sentence like this clearly states that the hospital bills are released from the hospital.

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