Disadvantages of Encouragement

Encouragement is often seen as beneficial for children, with many studies linking it to improved confidence, performance, and mental health. However, this view is misleading. While encouragement can boost short-term success, it can harm a child’s mental well-being, especially when it pushes them toward unrealistic goals. Rather than building resilience, excessive encouragement can lead to anxiety, stress, and burnout, particularly in competitive sports or when pursuing unattainable dreams.

The source Improving Children’s Mental Health through Healthy Encouragement claims that children who feel encouraged are likely to perform better in school and sports, have healthier relationships, and enjoy better overall well-being. While this may be true in terms of immediate performance, it overlooks the emotional toll such encouragement can take. Encouragement that focuses solely on success does not always lead to better mental health. When children are pushed to exceed their limits or meet unattainable expectations, they can experience pressure and anxiety. This pressure often undermines their intrinsic motivation, leading to stress and burnout. Encouragement can create a cycle where children feel they must constantly perform at high levels to earn approval, which can take a toll on their emotional state.

One of the most significant areas where encouragement becomes problematic is in youth athletics. Sam Dekin, author of The Good and Bad of Youth Athletics On Your Child’s Mental Health, outlines several factors that contribute to poor mental health in young athletes, including high pressure to perform, burnout, perfectionism, coach abuse, and injuries. Sports are typically a place for children to relieve stress and develop social skills, but when encouragement becomes excessive, it can have the opposite effect. The constant pressure to excel in sports can lead to increased anxiety, particularly when children are encouraged to pursue goals that are beyond their abilities. The expectation to perform perfectly, to win, or to meet others’ standards can overshadow the joy of the activity, creating emotional strain. This pressure results in children experiencing stress and feelings of inadequacy, and in some cases, can cause long-term issues like anxiety, depression, and self-doubt. Instead of providing an outlet for stress, sports may become another source of it. Encouragement aimed at achieving unrealistic goals, such as becoming a professional athlete, may lead to a focus on external validation instead of developing a genuine passion for the sport. This shift in focus often leads to feelings of frustration and anxiety, especially if the child is nott meeting the high expectations set by their parents, coaches, or themselves.

Positive reinforcement, like rewards or praise, is commonly used to encourage children to participate in activities like sports. According to Why Children Need Positive Reinforcement, “Positive reinforcement not only increases the likelihood that kids will behave, but it also increases their self-esteem and builds confidence.” While this can be beneficial in some contexts, it can also push children toward goals they do not genuinely want to pursue. This is especially true when positive reinforcement is used to encourage children to pursue their parents’ dreams, rather than their own. Children often find themselves pursuing goals that reflect their parents’ desires, not their own. For instance, a child may excel in sports or academics, not because they are passionate about it, but because they want to earn praise or rewards. While this may keep children motivated in the short term, it can lead to long-term issues, including stress and a lack of fulfillment. Positive reinforcement encourages children to focus more on earning rewards than on developing a true love for the activity, which can eventually diminish their sense of autonomy and lead to burnout. In many cases, children may feel pressured to meet their parents’ expectations, even when those expectations are unrealistic. This can result in feelings of inadequacy and anxiety, especially when the child struggles to meet those standards. Over time, this cycle can erode their self-esteem, leading to depression or other mental health problems.

Another argument often made in favor of encouragement is that failure should be seen as part of the learning process. Gould, in The Psychology of Optimal Performance: The Mindset of Successful Athletes, suggests that failure should not be viewed as defeat but as a stepping stone toward improvement. While this perspective can be empowering for some athletes, it fails to acknowledge the emotional damage that repeated failure can cause, especially when the goals being pursued are unrealistic. When children repeatedly fail to meet the expectations placed upon them, it can lead to feelings of frustration and self-doubt. Instead of learning from their mistakes, they may begin to view failure as a reflection of their inadequacy. Constant failure, combined with excessive encouragement to keep pushing forward, can lead to a decline in mental health, exacerbating feelings of anxiety, depression, and hopelessness. Rather than fostering resilience, this cycle may only reinforce negative emotions and stress. Failure, in this context, doesn’t always lead to growth. For many children, repeated failure without appropriate emotional support can result in discouragement and withdrawal from the activity altogether. Encouraging children to keep pursuing unrealistic dreams despite consistent failure only adds to their emotional burden and can create long-term mental health challenges.

When a child repeatedly fails in an area, whether it’s sports, school, or any other endeavor, it should serve as a signal for parents to reconsider pushing them toward an unattainable goal. The idea that failure is simply part of the process is misleading if the child is emotionally unprepared for the setbacks they’re facing. Failure shouldn’t be a reason to push harder, but an opportunity to reassess the child’s true interests and abilities.Parents should pay attention to signs of stress and anxiety in their children. If a child is constantly failing in pursuit of a goal that doesn’t align with their passions or abilities, it may be time to shift their focus toward something more achievable and meaningful. Encouraging children to pursue realistic goals that match their interests will help them build self-confidence, resilience, and a healthier relationship with failure. This approach prevents the development of anxiety, depression, and burnout.

References

Dekin, S. (2020). The Good and Bad of Youth Athletics On Your Child’s Mental Health. Sports Psychology Review. the-good-and-bad-of-youth-athletics-on-your-childs-mental-health

Ford, H. (2021, March 25). Why Children Need Positive Reinforcement. Www.henryford.com. https://www.henryford.com/blog/2021/03/positive-reinforcement#:~:text=Positive%20reinforcement%20not%20only%20increases,self%2Desteem%20and%20builds%20confidence.

Gould, D. (2016). The Psychology of Optimal Performance: The Mindset of Successful Athletes. Journal of Sports Psychology. https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=NsixEAAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PR3&dq=%C2%A0Gould,+D.+(2016).+The+Psychology+of+Optimal+Performance:+The+Mindset+of+Successful+Athletes.+Journal+of+Sports+Psychology.&ots=7zd2A7OhQg&sig=1VgrEHBdPMf2E7JOlyEFFssa3V8#v=onepage&q=setbacks&f=false

Improving Children’s Mental Health through Healthy Encouragement – Centerstone. (2022,September 2). Centerstone. https://centerstone.org/our-resources/health-wellness/improving-childrens-mental-health-through-healthy-encouragement/#:~:text=Encouragement%20can%20go%20a%20long,peers%20and%20be%20healthier%20overall.