How physical objects help us heal and move on

The feeling of grief that follows the loss of a loved one can oftentimes feel overwhelming. One of the many ways that people tend to cope is by using objects that belong to their loved ones. Connecting the memories of the deceased with the objects and belongings left behind can help them cope with that loss. By doing this it could also help bring together other people who are also grieving the same person. Even though these objects won’t replace the person, they can take the place of the absence and give some type of closure. This could also help the family feel like that person is still with them. 

Losing someone who is very important to you is a terrible thing and finding a way to cope with it is hard especially when the emotions of it all are still fresh. One way people commonly cope is by connecting with the objects and belongings left behind by their loved ones. These items often hold profound emotional significance, providing a tangible connection to memories of the deceased. While they can never replace the person, they can help bridge the gap left by their absence, offering comfort and even a sense of closure. Such objects can also create opportunities for shared remembrance, helping families feel as though their loved one is still present in spirit.

They can provide a sense of stability during this grieving period and also some emotional comfort. For example, in Mexican culture, the Día de los Muertos celebration centers around creating altars with objects like food, photos, and personal mementos. This practice helps families reconnect with the deceased, celebrate their lives, and offer a healthy way to process grief within a community. These rituals highlight the healing potential of physical objects, transforming them into anchors for both individual solace and collective remembrance.

 “When a linking object loses its significance over time, it’s considered healthy and part of accepting the new reality associated with your loss. Some linking objects are held onto longer than others. Some are held onto for generations. The timing and importance of linking objects depends on what the object is and the significance it played in your relationship to the person you lost.” Holding onto objects helps the grieving feel not so alone or sad. It gives comfort and can remind the grieving person that in some way their loved ones are still with them in memory and with the physical object, over time, this can help a person adjust to the reality of the loss as well and help them move on. Initially these objects may serve as a source of stability and emotional comfort and overtime they may become cherished keepsakes passed down through generations, continuing to honor the deceased’s memory.

Over time, the feelings that are connected with the person’s objects will shift from a more grieving feeling to an accepting one. Sometimes we hold onto these objects because there is some form of guilt or regret or unresolved emotions/feelings that we are holding onto. Moving on from someone who has passed is a difficult process and finding a way to cope is very important. “Rather, it’s about understanding that once someone dies all of the sudden their things have new meaning. Things like rosaries, or cards, or pictures or books you never gave a second thought to are now hard to part with. People unconsciously feel, ‘if I can keep this stuff, I can keep this person.” 

We find a connection with their objects and sometimes tend to try to incorporate them in our lives and little by little this also helps us move on from that sad thought to a happier one. An example for this would be the rosary as stated. Maybe the rosary belonged to a parent and they were a very religious person who used to carry it around everywhere, making this rosary important to them. And now that they are gone, all you have left is this rosary. Most people would keep it because this would be a reminder of that parent and can help them have that connection with them, even if the rosary wasn’t as important before to them. Most people would also carry it around with them to try to incorporate this into their daily lives. Almost as a way to keep their memory alive as well. This could also be used as an heirloom and passed down to generations to keep their memories alive. This helps the grieving person cope and also helps remind them that even though they lost a loved one, in some form they have memories as well.

People also do this because they have some type of unresolved feelings as well. When going through this hard time we tend to try our hardest to keep these people still alive with us in whatever way that we can. This is because we long for that connection with them even after they’ve passed. These emotions can make parting with them harder but by keeping them this could also unsubconsciously resolve these feelings and help maintain an emotional connection with the loved one. Acknowledging these complexities can provide a deeper understanding of how grief interacts with memory and material attachment.

The passing of a loved one is already a hard experience to have to go through but when other unresolved issues are involved it can make this process a lot more complicated to deal with. This would also obviously make parting with the person’s objects a lot harder. “Sometimes when a loved one dies there are unresolved hard feelings, regrets, and issues of forgiveness that can impact not only your feelings about parting with their belongs, but also how to go about it.” Unresolved feelings could stop us from moving on and sometimes make people fall into a worse state of mind or further into depression because of this. These feelings could also make it difficult to let go of some items or harder to look at them. By keeping these items the meaning of them would change and they would serve as a symbol of what was left unresolved and by having these items, one could try to resolve them within themselves.

References

Lewis, E. (n.d.-a). Parting with a loved one’s belongings. Remembering A Life. https://www.rememberingalife.com/blogs/blog/parting-with-a-loved-ones-belongings#:~:text=%E2%80%9CRather%2C%20it’s%20about%20understanding%20that,I%20can%20keep%20this%20person.

Peterson, R. (2021a, September 20). Coping with sentimental objects after loss. Medium. https://griefrefuge.medium.com/coping-with-sentimental-objects-after-loss-a0625fa9b6c8#:~:text=Linking%20objects%20are%20things%20that,a%20beginning%20and%20an%20end.