Rebuttal Argument Draft- BlogUser246

Posted on November 25, 2023 by bloguser246

Now, more than ever, the climate crisis the world is seeing is in full effect and needs to do a quick 180 before it is too late. Even though companies understand that their contribution to irreversible damage needs to be addressed immediately, they are still snapping back at criticism from the public. The problem that corporates are facing is being exposed in the news for their lack of work towards the environmental sustainability claims they have made. Companies are failing to meet their own targets but throwing shade towards the reporters for being “inaccurate” seems to be their cover up.

In a BBC News article, by Georgina Rannard, she claims that “Nestle commented: ‘We welcome scrutiny of our actions and commitments on climate change. However, the New Climate Institute’s Corporate Climate Responsibility Monitor (CCRM) report lacks understanding of our approach and contains significant inaccuracies.’” Nestle is clearly irritated with the news, but if the claims are inaccurate, why would Nestle be reluctant to release their successes to the world? This just means they likely have no goals or progress to share.

Nestle did not make a rigorous plan that had clear goals they were trying to achieve to correct their destruction. Their lack of transparency hints toward them greenwashing the public to keep us quiet while they continue to destroy our planet. In a Greenpeace article by Perry Wheeler he emphasized, “The statement is full of ambiguous or nonexistent targets, relies on ‘ambitions’ to do better, and puts the responsibility on consumers rather than the company to clean up its own plastic pollution,” while he discusses how Nestle fails to hit their very diminutive targets.

In an article published by Underwriters Laboratories Solutions, they designed the seven sins of greenwashing that perfectly explain the tactics companies are using to get by. The seven sins are: hidden trade-off, no proof, vagueness, worshipping false labels, irrelevance, the lesser of the two evils, and fibbing. The article states that “based on the results of the original study and subsequent studies, the Seven Sins of Greenwashing were developed to help consumers identify products that made misleading environmental claims.” In the case above, Nestle takes part in the sin of no proof and vagueness, allowing the public to conclude that they are making no changes. The circumstance they were put in should have been an encouragement to share all the great work and progress taking place, but instead it just proved that their vagueness and lack of proof is massive greenwashing.

Since all this backlash from the public on companies such as Nestle, other companies are starting to feel the heat from the public. Specifically, BlackRock investment company, the second largest fossil fuel contributor in the world, has been receiving pressure from the public to release their ambitions about investing with companies who are not making environmental changes. Larry Fink, the CEO of BlackRock, responded, “BlackRock argues that its investments are consistent with a commitment to a responsible and orderly — rather than recklessly rushed — energy transition, as well as the realities of global energy needs after Russia’s invasion of Ukraine.” Fink’s response was clearly a small, short-term answer to a much bigger question. His pushing off of a response to the public and becoming defensive that his company and he are being “recklessly rushed,” proves that he stands with companies and their planet extinction habits. Companies like BlackRock, that have billion-dollar investments with fossil fuel companies, should be more prepared to take swift actions than sit back and watch our world end.

“On the issue of climate change, BlackRock has sought to strike a balance, continuing to invest in fossil fuel companies while nudging them to adopt energy transition plans. It has projected that by 2030 at least three quarters of its investments will be with issuers of securities that have scientific targets to cut greenhouse gas emissions on a net basis.

Larry Fink is a prime contributor to companies advancing their planet polluting activities because he is the one who funds their entire operation. When making claims like this is another interview, public concern should be sparked since he is using terms such as “nudging” when he should be making an ULTIMATIUM. Without the millions and billions of dollars he provides to these companies, they would not survive, so who would be better than him to assert his dominance? No one. He should not be ENCOURAGING environmentally positive business practices; he should be mandating them in order for companies to even pursue or continue business contracts with him.

CEO’s such as Larry Fink should not be shying away from their power when it is actually needed.

References

UL Solutions. (2019). Sins of Greenwashing. UL. https://www.ul.com/insights/sins-greenwashing

Rannard, G. (2022, February 7). Climate change: Top companies exaggerating their progress – study. BBC News. https://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-60248830

Binnie, I. (2023, June 26). BlackRock’s Fink says he’s stopped using “weaponised” term ESG. Reuters. https://www.reuters.com/business/environment/blackrocks-fink-says-hes-stopped-using-weaponised-term-esg-2023-06-26/

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Posted in Rebuttal Draft | 2 Comments

Rebuttal Draft- Ladybug122718

Posted on November 25, 2023 by ladybug122718

P1) Caffeine is a critical part of our daily lives because it’s a source of energy and leaves major impacts on us from consuming caffeine. The impacts that it leaves have affected our sleeping cycle, academic performance, and our bodies. It has led to affecting even college students’ academic careers due to them consuming heavy amounts of caffeine. Due to this being a problem it causes,

“the high demands and stresses of college and graduate school, it is not surprising that many students sacrifice sleep and substitute with caffeine for the sake of their academic performance. Most students are unaware of the potential repercussions of these behaviors. Associated with these habits of excess caffeine consumption and sleep deficiency, students are not meeting weekly exercise recommendations. Due to busy schedules, nearly 40-50% of college students are deemed physically inactive.” 1

Which we find is a result of them ignoring their well-being and instead focusing more on the lines of their academic performance. It leaves us unaware of what’s happening to our body as it’s being constancy on overdrive all the time which affects us heavily.

P2) This highlights some of the impacts that we experience from consuming caffeine and our sleep cycle is greatly affected. When people try to get at least a good 1 to 2-hour nap they can’t due to the caffeine that they drank still being their system. As a result which leaves,

“Most people benefit from at least 7 to 8 hours of sleep each night, which is an adequate amount of time for a person to complete a regular sleep cycle. When students lose sleep, they disrupt their sleep cycles and their bodies respond by decreasing their ability to concentrate and complete complex tasks.” 2

Any chance of sleep that we try to get is interrupted due to the caffeine in our system which reduces the amount of deep sleep we all enjoy. Due to us consume caffeine earlier in the afternoon or evening which makes it even harder for us to concentrate during either class or get some sleep.

P3) By contrasting

“The study consists of a four section anonymous, Qualtrics online survey with a series of questions regarding caffeine consumption, sleep, and academics. The total amount (mg) of caffeine consumed and total sleep duration was determined for each participant. Results found that non-consumers have longer sleep duration (p=0.002) and higher GPA compared to the consumers group (p< 0.001), non-caffeine consumers have longer sleep duration compared to the high level of caffeine consumption (p=0.041), and that males consume a greater amount (mg) of caffeine than females (p=0.024).3

P4)

P5)

References

  1. Saira Haq & Katelyn M. Walsh. (2018) Examining the Effects of Caffeine, Sleep and Exercise on the Academic Performance of PA Students. Bethel University ↩︎
  2. Otenyo, Jane Kate. (2015). Sleeping Habits and Sleep Deprivation Among College Students. University of Arizona ↩︎
  3. Gabrish, Danielle L. (2017). Caffeine Use, Hours of Sleep, and Academic Performance of Undergraduate College Students. Kent State University, College of Education, Health and Human Services / School of Health Sciences. ↩︎
Posted in Rebuttal Draft | 1 Comment

Causal Rewrite- Indigo

Posted on November 25, 2023 by indigo143

Grades Are Making Us Fail

I know how to do well in school. In order for my classmates and I to get A’s on the tests and quizzes, we should do our homework and be active listeners while in class. In return, the teacher than grades our work and assigns a letter grade to the assignment. What if we do all of the above, but still end up getting a bad grade? This exact situation is happening more and more in today’s society. Today’s grading system’s outdated practices are causing students to fail.

Most assignments are graded with the possibility of getting 0-100 points. Feldman describes the issue with this way of grading by saying, “Over half of our grading scale is an F, and if we assume a C grade signifies minimum attainment of course standards, then over two-thirds of our grading scale describes insufficient performance, and only one-fifth of the scale describes academic success (A or B).” This quote signifies that it is only a small percentage of the whole 100 points that is considered to be a “good grade.” It is worth noted that most institutions allow a student to pass a course with a letter score of D. However, in most institutions, if the course is mandatory for a major, a student must achieve a C or higher. With this way of grading, with assignments that weight the same, a low grade can ruin your grade. If a student were to miss or forget about one assignment, a 0% grade could take your grade from a B to a D. One single grade could do a lot of damage overall. The possibility of one or a few low percentage grades could ruin a student’s final grade. This type of grading system focuses on the failures of students and makes it incredibly difficult for a student to bring their grade back up. This dilemma can cause students to give up and lose hope in succeeding in the class.

Another popular practice done by educators today is curving an assignment grade. When a majority of students do badly on a test for example, a teacher may curve the grade so that more students achieve a higher grade. However, curving a grade promotes competition in the classroom. The grade becomes less about what you learned with how badly everyone else did on the assignment. This grading practice is also unreliable. Teachers only curve a grade when the class did unexpectedly good or bad. Students don’t know when the teacher is going to implement this practice, leaving the students to constantly be in fear for their grade.

The purpose of homework is to work on and go over what was learned in class. Homework is supposed to be a helpful and supplemental aspect of schoolwork. However, when grading homework based on completion, the opposite effect happens. A highschooler interviewed by Feldman says, “If I don’t do the work then it affects me big time. That’s why some of us copy, not because we want to be lazy, but because our grade depends on it.” This type of grading is showing that it doesn’t matter if you understand the lesson at the end of the day, it only matters if there are answers on a piece of paper. If a student is behind in a lesson or two, it becomes harder for the student to catch up without completing homework on a lesson he/her has missed. It becomes tempting for the student to copy their friend’s homework, rather than lose points for a small assignment.

A similar concept to homework grading is a participation grade. Some teachers grade how often you speak in class, go up to the board, and participating in pair and share. This type of grading is problematic for two reasons. The first reason is that some students have anxiety when it comes to speaking up in front of the whole class. It is unfair to penalize a student who has a legitimate fear and learns better being by themselves. The second reason is that the classroom becomes hostile rather than collaborative. Students become focused on talking rather than sitting back and listening. With this grade, students are expected to preform every class.

These types of practices are outdated for today’s students. The grading system is why students are under the constant stress of failing. Schools and educators are starting to notice the effect the grading system has on their students. Amanda Parish Morgan writes, “But a more progressive argument can be made for eliminating grades, or at least grades as we understand them…” Morgan is acknowledging that some educators already have changing the system by which they grade their students. Morgan writes about how a teacher grades their students’ assignments by how much effort was given and how well the assignment was executed. Morgan suggests that this type of grading encourages the student to learn and diminishes stress. Lory Hough writes that, “A better grading system allows for multiple attempts of content mastery.” This method allows students to try and try again until they succeed. This grading system would allow the student to learn their material and determine the grade they want by how much effort they put into the redone assignments.

Those opponents against the elimination of the current grading system sometimes get the wrong idea of what that actually means. Some might think this new system is “hippie like” or “for the weak”. However, it is proved by ASCD that, “75 percent of students reported that they always or often feel stressed by their schoolwork.” This statistic shows that 3/4 of today’s students are being failed by the current grading system. Although school should be challenging, this statistic shows that today’s students need a change for their own mental health.

References

Feldman, J. (2020, September 1). Taking the Stress Out of Grading. ASCD. https://www.ascd.org/el/articles/taking-the-stress-out-of-grading

Hough, L. (n.d.). The problem with grading. Harvard Graduate School of Education. https://www.gse.harvard.edu/ideas/ed-magazine/23/05/problem-grading

Long, C. (n.d.). Are Letter Grades Failing Our Students? | NEA. http://Www.nea.org. https://www.nea.org/nea-today/all-news-articles/are-letter-grades-failing-our-students

Morgan, Amanda Parrish. (2020, September 2). Is It Time to Reexamine Grading? JSTOR Daily. https://daily.jstor.org/is-it-time-to-reexamine-grading/

MSN. (n.d.). http://Www.msn.com. https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/goodbye-letter-grades-a-growing-number-of-schools-are-dumping-the-old-system-and-it-s-paying-off/ar-AA1ktgSi

Strauss, V. (2023, November 14). Analysis | Rethinking the way teachers assign student grades. Washington Post. https://www.washingtonpost.com/education/2023/11/14/rethinking-way-teachers-assign-student-grades/

Posted in Causal Rewrite | 4 Comments

Causal Argument- Indigo

Posted on November 25, 2023 by indigo143

Grades Are Making Us Fail

Everybody has an idea of how to do well in school. In order for students to get A’s on the tests and quizzes, they have to do their homework and be active listeners in class. In return, the teacher than grades your work and assigns a letter grade to your assignment. What if you do what you are supposed to do but still end up getting bad grades? This exact situation is happening more and more in today’s society. Today’s grading system’s outdated practices are causing students to fail.

Most assignments are graded with the possibility of getting 0-100 points. Feldman describes the issue with this way of grading by saying, “Over half of our grading scale is an F, and if we assume a C grade signifies minimum attainment of course standards, then over two-thirds of our grading scale describes insufficient performance, and only one-fifth of the scale describes academic success (A or B).” This quote signifies that it is only a small percentage of the whole 100 points that is considered to be a “good grade.” With this way of grading, with assignments that weight the same, a low grade can ruin your grade. If a student were to miss or forget about one assignment, a 0% grade could take your grade from a B to a D. One single grade could do a lot of damage overall. The possibility of one or a few low percentage grades could ruin a student’s final grade. This type of grading system focuses on the failures of students and makes it incredibly difficult for a student to bring their grade back up. This dilemma can cause students to give up and lose hope in succeeding in the class.

Another popular practice done by educators today is curving an assignment grade. When a majority of students do badly on a test for example, a teacher may curve the grade so that more students achieve a higher grade. However, curving a grade promotes competition in the classroom. The grade becomes less about what you learned with how badly everyone else did on the assignment. This grading practice is also unreliable. Teachers only curve a grade when the class did unexpectedly good or bad. Students don’t know when the teacher is going to implement this practice, leaving the students to constantly be in fear for their grade. It can also be argued that this practice is unfair to students.

The purpose of homework is to work on and go over what was learned in class. Homework is supposed to be a helpful and supplemental aspect of schoolwork. However, when grading homework based on completion, the opposite effect happens. A highschooler interviewed by Feldman says, “If I don’t do the work then it affects me big time. That’s why some of us copy, not because we want to be lazy, but because our grade depends on it.” This type of grading is showing that it doesn’t matter if you understand the lesson, it only matters if there are answers on a piece of paper. Concepts like graded homework promotes cheating among students. Cheating on homework may seem like a small digression but could be seen as a gateway towards more types of academic fraud.

A similar concept to homework grading is a participation grade. Some teachers grade how often you speak in class, go up to the board, and participating in pair and share. This type of grading is problematic for two reasons. The first reason is that some students have anxiety when it comes to speaking up in front of the whole class. It is unfair to penalize a student who has a legitimate fear and learns better being by themselves. The second reason is that the classroom becomes hostile rather than collaborative. Students become focused on talking rather than sitting back and listening. With this grade, students are expected to preform every class.

These types of practices are outdated for today’s students. The grading system is why students are under the constant stress of failing. Schools are educators are starting to notice the effect the grading system has on their students. Amanda Parish Morgan writes, “But a more progressive argument can be made for eliminating grades, or at least grades as we understand them…” Morgan is acknowledging that some educators already have changing the system by which they grade their students. Morgan writes about how a teacher grades their students’ assignments by how much effort was given and how well the assignment was executed. Morgan suggests that this type of grading encourages the student to learn and diminishes stress. Lory Hough writes that, “A better grading system allows for multiple attempts of content mastery.” This method allows students to try and try again until they succeed. This grading system would allow the student to learn their material and determine the grade they want by how much effort they put into the redone assignments.

Those opponents against the elimination of the current grading system sometimes get the wrong idea of what that actually means. Some might think this new system is “hippie like” or “for the weak”. However, it is proved by ASCD that, “75 percent of students reported that they always or often feel stressed by their schoolwork.” This statistic shows that 3/4 of today’s students are being failed by the current grading system. This statistic shows that today’s students need a change for their own mental health.

References

“Taking the Stress Out of Grading”

“Is it Time to Reexamine Grading?”

“The Problem with Grading”

“Are Letter Grades Failing Our Students”

“Rethinking the Way Teachers Assign Students Grades”

“Goodbye letter grades! A growing number of schools are dumping the old system — and it’s paying off”

Posted in Causal Draft | Leave a comment

Visual Rhetoric-RebelPilot64

Posted on November 25, 2023 by rebelpilot64

0:00 This video shows a diver swimming in the ocean. He is there by himself and is deep in the ocean. The background in the ocean is very dark and there are no sea creatures in the frame at all yet. Although there are rocks in the background.  It looks like the diver is trying to explore something in there. 

0:01 Not much change in this scene but it looks like there are bubbles coming out of the divers breathing device so this means that he is most likely breathing underwater through his breathing device. It is also likely that he is floating up to the surface of the water 

0:02-0:03 Now the diver is shown at a different angle. It is shown that there is junk in the background. This could be garbage in the ocean or the wreckage of a ship. It is also seen that there is dark debris that is in a vertical direction. 

0:04-0:05 The diver is seen up close with his face and his body. He is looking up in the camera’s direction and looking forward in his direction. He could most likely be looking at something that is very unusual or he could be getting ready to breathe again because there are no bubbles coming out of his breathing device. 

0:06 Afterward the camera has changed angles. He is holding a flashlight and is swimming towards something. I see his legs at an angle two which means he could be kicking his legs. It is also likely that he going faster to look at something 

0:07-0:08 Not much change zooms in a little closer to the diver and there are more bubbles coming out. This could mean he is breathing more heavily and the water pressure is big.

0:09 Change in scene there is a shark that is facing forward in the frame. The shark probably sees the diver and is going to swim after it. It does not however have its mouth open yet so the shark is probably far away towards the diver.

0:10 The shark opens his mouth and is trying to eat the diver. The diver gets startled and tries to swim away as fast as he can. The diver got startled by the shark and is trying to get away but the shark is coming by really fast. 

0:11 Turns out someone is watching something on their phone. It has a caption on the phone saying “Think that’s  scary.” It was most likely a movie that the person was watching on their phone. It does not have a clear view of where the person is though.

0:12 Now the camera zooms out and it turns out the person watching the video was in their car and on the driver’s side. However it may not be that this person is driving their car though and they could start to get ready to drive or they are already at their destination. 

0:13 Turns out that the man is driving. He is a young man and is looking at his phone and is having a surprised look on his face. He is not looking at the road at all though and the car is moving at a pretty big pace. The scene could possibly be distracting

0:14 He just put down his phone and is approaching a stop sign, a crosswalk and a lady is crossing the street. It looks like he did not have enough time to slow down his car and it’s possible that he could hit that lady because he was not paying attention while he was driving his car. 

0:15 The man sees the lady and is pressing on his brakes really hard. The man gasps and the lady looks really scared thinking that he is going to run her over. The car comes to a really big stop but he might not be able to stop his car on time though because he was not looking up. 

0:16  The man almost hit the lady and the lady has her hands right in front of his car even though that will not stop the car. But she is trying to do this in order to protect herself from getting hurt in her mental mind.

0:17 The lady is relieved that she did not get hurt or run over by the car. She is panting due to all of the anxiety, stress and just the fact that this happened so fast in one time. 

0:18- 0:19 The man has a guilty look on his face knowing that he could have accidentally injured that lady because he was distracted while driving. It seems like he has so much going on in his mind because he is thinking about how this could have been prevented. 

0:20-0:21-0:22 The screen turns black and puts letters on the video saying, “The real danger is distracted driving.” This looks like an ad that is trying to tell people not to be distracted while driving your car. 

0:23-0:25 Now the black screen zooms out with the man’s phone in a holder. This is because it will show people where their cell phone should be when they’re driving and not be distracted. This ad is encouraging people to put their cell phones away and focus on the road. 

0:26 The man is now looking up at the road in front of him and not being distracted by anything in his car. This is to show people what to do when you are driving on the road.

0:27-0:30- The frame is still the same but now it is saying, “Eyes forward don’t drive distracted.” 

Posted in X Archive | Leave a comment

Visual Rhetoric- RebelPilot64

Posted on November 25, 2023 by rebelpilot64

0:00 This video shows a diver swimming in the ocean. He is there by himself and is deep in the ocean. The background in the ocean is very dark and there are no sea creatures in the frame at all yet. Although there are rocks in the background.  It looks like the diver is trying to explore something in there. 

0:01 Not much change in this scene but it looks like there are bubbles coming out of the divers breathing device so this means that he is most likely breathing underwater through his breathing device. It is also likely that he is floating up to the surface of the water 

0:02-0:03 Now the diver is shown at a different angle. It is shown that there is junk in the background. This could be garbage in the ocean or the wreckage of a ship. It is also seen that there is dark debris that is in a vertical direction. 

0:04-0:05 The diver is seen up close with his face and his body. He is looking up in the camera’s direction and looking forward in his direction. He could most likely be looking at something that is very unusual or he could be getting ready to breathe again because there are no bubbles coming out of his breathing device. 

0:06 Afterward the camera has changed angles. He is holding a flashlight and is swimming towards something. I see his legs at an angle two which means he could be kicking his legs. It is also likely that he going faster to look at something 

0:07-0:08 Not much change zooms in a little closer to the diver and there are more bubbles coming out. This could mean he is breathing more heavily and the water pressure is big.

0:09 Change in scene there is a shark that is facing forward in the frame. The shark probably sees the diver and is going to swim after it. It does not however have its mouth open yet so the shark is probably far away towards the diver.

0:10 The shark opens his mouth and is trying to eat the diver. The diver gets startled and tries to swim away as fast as he can. The diver got startled by the shark and is trying to get away but the shark is coming by really fast. 

0:11 Turns out someone is watching something on their phone. It has a caption on the phone saying “Think that’s  scary.” It was most likely a movie that the person was watching on their phone. It does not have a clear view of where the person is though.

0:12 Now the camera zooms out and it turns out the person watching the video was in their car and on the driver’s side. However it may not be that this person is driving their car though and they could start to get ready to drive or they are already at their destination. 

0:13 Turns out that the man is driving. He is a young man and is looking at his phone and is having a surprised look on his face. He is not looking at the road at all though and the car is moving at a pretty big pace. The scene could possibly be distracting

0:14 He just put down his phone and is approaching a stop sign, a crosswalk and a lady is crossing the street. It looks like he did not have enough time to slow down his car and it’s possible that he could hit that lady because he was not paying attention while he was driving his car. 

0:15 The man sees the lady and is pressing on his brakes really hard. The man gasps and the lady looks really scared thinking that he is going to run her over. The car comes to a really big stop but he might not be able to stop his car on time though because he was not looking up. 

0:16  The man almost hit the lady and the lady has her hands right in front of his car even though that will not stop the car. But she is trying to do this in order to protect herself from getting hurt in her mental mind.

0:17 The lady is relieved that she did not get hurt or run over by the car. She is panting due to all of the anxiety, stress and just the fact that this happened so fast in one time. 

0:18- 0:19 The man has a guilty look on his face knowing that he could have accidentally injured that lady because he was distracted while driving. It seems like he has so much going on in his mind because he is thinking about how this could have been prevented. 

0:20-0:21-0:22 The screen turns black and puts letters on the video saying, “The real danger is distracted driving.” This looks like an ad that is trying to tell people not to be distracted while driving your car. 

0:23-0:25 Now the black screen zooms out with the man’s phone in a holder. This is because it will show people where their cell phone should be when they’re driving and not be distracted. This ad is encouraging people to put their cell phones away and focus on the road. 

0:26 The man is now looking up at the road in front of him and not being distracted by anything in his car. This is to show people what to do when you are driving on the road.

0:27-0:30- The frame is still the same but now it is saying, “Eyes forward don’t drive distracted.”

Posted in Visual Rewrite | 4 Comments

Visual Rewrite – Jetsfan

Posted on November 24, 2023 by JetsFan2

0.00-0.06: This video begins with a diver in the dark, deep parts of the sea. It seems as though the diver is exploring based on his apparel of scuba diver equipment. It starts with him in the dead middle of the screen, swimming towards the right of the screen, and as different camera angles happen, he becomes to appear closer and closer to the camera. As he gets near the camera there is a light shining on the diver, from the ground up.

0.07-0.11: The shot of the camera brings the scuba diver back into the center of the screen as he begins to rotate to his right. With turning right and towards the camera, for a split second the viewer is blinded by the diver’s deep sea flashlight. As the light disappear, you see a shark’s face, while the shark is swimming at the diver with it’s jaws wide open and the camera cuts back to the diver’s face, which is filled with fear.

0.12-0.16: The next second there is a plot twist. “Think that is scary?” appears on the screen. The scene cuts to a person watching this happen as a video on his phone while behind the wheel. As the camera angle pans out, we learn a man was driving through a neighborhood while watching this video instead of the road. Because he was so distracted by his phone, he is not only about to blow a stop sign, but also hit a pedestrian crossing the road that entered from the right side of the screen. The driver slams on the breaks and the car comes to a halting stop. The camera cuts to an angle that is from the corner of the street where the woman began crossing the road. It looks like the car stopped approximately a foot short of the woman’s left leg as she was turning towards the car in shock.

0.17-0.22: The driver now realizes he is about to drill the woman crossing the road so slams on his brakes. We first see the woman, who was terrified, then the camera cuts to the man’s face who was heavily breathing and in shock about what he almost just did. The next second, the screen turns black and in big bold white lettering, appears the phrase “The real danger is distracted driving.”

0.23-0.26: The writing disappears, but screen remains black. The camera movement begins to dolly out as the viewers see the dark screen is a turned off phone in the driver’s cup holder. We then see a calm, collected, and focused driver paying attention to the road with both hands on the wheel. The video is coming full circle at this moment. The video acts a metaphor, which is don’t be the shark. Like the diver, the pedestrian was minding her own business, traveling along with her day as a car almost hits her. The shark was about to eat the swimmer before the camera cut.

0.27-0.30: As the man is driving, bold, white lettering appears again. It states, “Eyes forward. Don’t drive distracted.” The man is driving smoothly with a grin on his face as the video comes to an end.

Posted in Visual Rewrite | 3 Comments

Causal Rewrite – Puffer (Revised)

Posted on November 24, 2023 by puffer

Could improved driver education aid in lowering accidents, causalities, tickets, and road hazards? And could Manual cars assist in saving the day?

Roads are a dangerous place that has resulted in the deaths of over a million people. I know it’s impossible to stop accidents altogether, but I believe that improved driver education could lower the current rate of these casualties.

Having better driving schools can offer more comprehensive and up-to-date education. This can cover many vital aspects, such as defensive driving techniques, increased knowledge of road rules and signs, and improved ethical driving behavior. Better curriculums can equip new drivers with the necessary understanding and skills to navigate complex traffic solutions, anticipate possible hazards, and make informed decisions on the road. The effect that improved curriculums can have on new drivers can help give them a better understanding of safer driving behavior, thus helping to reduce accidents.

Higher-quality driving schools will recruit more skilled and experienced instructors familiar with all current traffic laws and regulations. These instructors provide a better learning experience to driving students by passing along their valuable knowledge and wisdom while also keeping these new drivers within the legal lines. This can help students become more skilled and responsible drivers, ultimately leading to safer driving behavior and fewer accidents.

Better driving schools will use more “Hands On” techniques. This approach allows students to experience many situations firsthand using critical thinking and developing muscle memory. This also helps students become familiar with how the vehicle operates, what defensive driving techniques work for them, and how to handle emergencies. Many schools have started introducing virtual driving simulators to let students experience these things without the risks. These driving simulators can be very complex and even provide the driver with accurate response, physics, and even feeling. It can help a student focus and create an environment with less stress while also allowing instructors to simulate situations that will help the students avoid horrific accidents. This affects driver education by increasing real-world driving experience, causing students to develop confidence and competence in real roads.

Improved driving schools tend to emphasize defensive driving techniques. Students will learn to anticipate drivers’ actions, identify potential hazards, and react proactively to prevent accidents. Teaching these students defensive driving techniques is very beneficial in reducing accidents, especially fatal ones. Students with good defensive driving skills reduce the likelihood of accidents and causalities. This can be done in many ways and is generally practiced with verbal, virtual, and physical simulations, and this has a positive effect on students and their ability to perform in tricky situations to avoid dangerous situations. An improved driving school will not only teach its students how to operate a vehicle but they can also emphasize the importance of safe, responsible, and ethical driving behavior. This focuses on driver ethics and the possible consequences of irresponsible behavior to discourage negative habits that lead to tickets and/or accidents. The results effectively instill ethical driving behaviors that can cause students to make more responsible choices on the road, which assists in reducing both tickets and accidents. Many schools will actually allow students to use “Drunk Googles” while in simulators or while driving a golf cart on a closed course with precautions to show what happens if you try to operate a vehicle while intoxicated. More intensive training programs, improved curriculum, and more dedicated instructors produce drivers better equipped to handle various situations. This, in turn, reduces the chances of drivers being more of a threat to other drivers. Effects include: Driving graduates are more skilled and less likely to cause accidents, and we can prevent the drivers who “Don’t care enough” about the importance of driving and the possible risks it can hold from obtaining a license and getting on the road and causing more harm than good.

Many other countries still continue to teach all students to drive stick-shift cars as they can help drivers keep their attention on the road and their vehicles rather than on devices or other things. This is helpful, as many incidents today are due to distracted drivers. I believe the return of manual cars could assist in helping reduce the number of accidents. At first, this may seem too challenging to learn and could cause more accidents as people wouldn’t know how to drive this type of transmission. I believe that these transmissions could actually aid in a long-term understanding. They are a big help in assisting attention to the road and giving the students a better understanding of how the car operates and what can cause it to either gain or lose traction, break things, and so much more. Bringing back more manual transmissions as a prerequisite to obtaining a driver’s license could help sort through many drivers and give a more profound understanding of the driver’s car, how it operates, and how to avoid some tricky situations.

Another factor in many of these accidents is mechanical failure of vehicles and little knowledge or insignificant understanding of cars. When you drive on the road, you will notice many cars that appear to be falling apart and even more making odd noises; your car may even sound off at times. A huge issue here is that people don’t understand that these strange noises could cause harm to your vehicle, and the ignorance of having the car checked out may cost your wallet a hefty amount or even your life. Imagine that you have been hearing a screeching noise from your brakes that you have ignored for the past month, and now you are driving on the highway. You spot traffic ahead and step on the brakes, but you don’t slow down. That sound was the brakes trying to warn you that there wasn’t much left. Now it’s too late, and because driver education didn’t teach you what to do in this situation or what that noise could have meant, you are in a potentially lethal situation. You don’t know what to do and don’t have time to figure it out… so you rear-end all the cars in front of you, going 50 mph faster than them. Enhanced driver education could have taught you what that sound could have been or, at the very least, to shift the car in neutral, try the handbrake, and steer slightly off the road until stopping. Many other countries teach essential car maintenance and understanding of various issues. But when in doubt, it’s always a good idea to have a mechanic inspect it. So many issues can be caused by mechanical failure of vehicles, and not having the advantage of even small amounts of what to do can help drastically. Manual transmission-style cars can actually improve upon this.

The Conclusion: The evidence presented in this causal argument establishes the significant impact of better driving schools and how they should be able to lower accidents, casualties, tickets, and inexperienced/unskilled drivers. This can also help reserve much-needed police resources for more critical matters like gun control and keeping the community safe in other ways. Improved driver education can assist the acquisition of essential skills and knowledge, leading to safer driving behaviors and reducing road hazards. Many foreign schools already implement many of these things into their curriculums while increasing the hours spent behind the wheel by many multiples of what we request in the United States and teaching essential car maintenance and understanding. Investing in enhanced driver education is vital to creating safer roadways for everyone.

References

Mohn, T. (2019, July 12). Is driver’s ed good enough? most Americans don’t think so. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/tanyamohn/2019/07/11/is-drivers-ed-good-enough-most-americans-dont-think-so/?sh=7505faa23367

Primo.rowan.edu. (n.d.-a). https://primo.rowan.edu/permalink/01ROWU_INST/mgcbt1/alma9921124824805201
Primo.rowan.edu. (n.d.-b).

https://primo.rowan.edu/permalink/01ROWU_INST/ttegd8/cdi_crossref_primary_10_14311_APP_2023_41_0079

We buy any car® blog posts. How Other Countries Learn to Drive. (n.d.). https://www.webuyanycarusa.com/blogs/view/how_other_countries_learn_to_drive

Simon, S. (2023, July 17). How many people die from car accidents each year?. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/auto-accident/car-accident-deaths/

Posted in Causal Rewrite | 1 Comment

Definition Rewrite- Indigo

Posted on November 23, 2023 by indigo143

Good Grades Can Kill

I am someone who gets a lot of stomach aches. I get them in the morning, noon, and night ever since I can remember. To relieve the pain, I tried changing my diet, breathing exercises, and working out more. All my remedies focused on healing my physical self. It never occurred to me that the root of the pain could be caused by my emotional and mental state. It wasn’t until many years later that I was diagnosed with anxiety, OCD, and depression. The way I handle and react to situations started to make more sense with my new diagnosis. As I was navigating my new life, I was asked by my doctor to identify big stress points in my life. I soon realized my biggest stress point was school.

Growing up, I was always a straight A student. My name frequently visited the dean or principle’s list. I was a parent’s perfect dream, but I was miserable. The constant pressure of succeeding and the fear of under achieving was paralyzing. Getting good grades was ruining my mental health. And in return, my mental health was ruining my physical health. As I entered high school, I soon noticed that many of my classmates suffered from the same way of thinking and feeling. Getting good grades is bad for today’s student.

The anxiety that comes along with constantly overachieving from getting good grades is not beneficial. Today’s high school students are suffering from school related anxiety and parents are concerned. NPR’s Patti Neighmond states, “Almost 40 percent of parents say their high schooler is experiencing a lot of stress from school, according to a new NPR poll conducted with the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and the Harvard School of Public Health.” Parents are noticing that school related stress is affecting their children’s mental health in a negative way. Parents empathize with their children but cannot comprehend the struggles that today’s students are asked off. Arguably, the biggest stressor is maintaining a good GPA and transcript to be accepted into a good college. NPR gives the example of Nora Huynh who becomes inconsolable upon learning the news of not receiving a perfect 4.0 GPA on her high school report card. Her mother is shocked to see how her high, but not perfect, GPA has caused her daughter such emotional stress. Nora’s mother feels as though her daughter is doing well in school and should be proud of her accomplishments. However, is its clear, the message that highschoolers are getting is that doing your best is simply not enough.

High school students aren’t just taking math, social studies, and English anymore. Today’s students are taking AP U.S. History, AP Calculus, and College level English classes- all at the same time. Taking these classes allows a student’s GPA to be above the normal 4.0. Colleges today look for those overachievers, leaving those who aren’t ready for college level classes in high school to be already left behind. School is not the only thing in a teenager’s life, and it shouldn’t be. Most high schoolers are in extra curriculum’s such as sports, have a job, and or just want some down time to hang out with their friends. All these activities are needed as stress relief to keep a healthy mind; however, today’s students simply do not have the time. In today’s society, the push and hustle of balancing high-level courses and extracurricular activities is what leads to academic success, which lead to financial success. Through today’s culture, students are taught that financial success is all that matters.

One might think that getting accepted into a good college is an end to the school stress, that college is the end all be all. That might be the case for some students but not for all. For those students who continue to suffer from school related stress, their mental health will continue to worsen. Schools and colleges are aware of the mental health struggles their students suffer with but do little about it. Higher Insider Ed acknowledges this notion by saying, “More specifically, the stress children, teenagers and college-age students feel about grades along with the pressure they experience from parents and teachers are directly linked to the widely reported mental health crisis in these age groups”.

Untreated mental health problems within young individuals can be detrimental. Sadly, school stress has led to students committing suicide. Higher Insider Ed writes about Worchester Polytechnic Institue having three students commit suicide within a year. WPI is known for their rigorous STEM program in which all three students were a part of. A once praised program is now being looked at as having unrealistic expectations for today’s students. It is not misleading to say that the difficult program is what led to these students choosing to end their own lives. After the death of the three students, WPI acknowledged the need for more mental health support on campus. However, the university has made no change in how they grade and teach their programs. Although it is naive to suggest the institution scrap their whole program, it is not uncalled for WPI to reevaluate their system.

Along with parents, I think it is easy for adults and institutions to forget how stressful and intense school can be for today’s students. It is important for schools to start acknowledging their student’s mental health. Sadly, it was too late for the students at WPI but not for other schools. With proper care and new grading systems, student anxiety and depression would reduce in numbers. Normalizing being average in today’s society could save lives.

References

Eyler, J. (2022, March 7). Grades Are at the Center of the Student Mental Health Crisis | Inside Higher Ed. http://Www.insidehighered.com. https://www.insidehighered.com/blogs/just-visiting/grades-are-center-student-mental-health-crisis

Neighmond, P. (2013, December 2). School Stress Takes A Toll On Health, Teens And Parents Say. NPR.org; Patti Neighmond. https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2013/12/02/246599742/school-stress-takes-a-toll-on-health-teens-and-parents-say

Posted in Definition Rewrite | 2 Comments

Definition- Indigo

Posted on November 23, 2023 by indigo143

Good Grades Can Kill

I am someone who gets a lot of stomach aches. I get them in the morning, noon, and night ever since I can remember. To relieve the pain, I tried changing my diet, breathing exercises, and working out more. All my remedies focused on healing my physical self. It never occurred to me that the root of the pain could be caused by my emotional and mental state. It wasn’t until many years later that I was diagnosed with anxiety, OCD, and depression. The way I handle and react to situations started to make more sense with my new diagnosis. As I was navigating my new life, I was asked by my doctor to identify big stress points in my life. I soon realized my biggest stress point was school.

Growing up, I was always a straight A student. My name frequently visited the dean or principle’s list. I was a parent’s perfect dream, but I was miserable. The constant pressure of succeeding and the fear of under achieving was paralyzing. Getting good grades was ruining my mental health. And in return, my mental health was ruining my actual health. As I entered high school, I soon noticed that many of my classmates suffered from the same way of thinking. Getting good grades is bad for today’s student.

I believe getting good grades is not beneficial to today’s students because of the anxiety that comes along with constantly overachieving. Today’s high school students are seen to be suffering from school related anxiety more than in the past years. In NPR’s, “School Stress Takes a Toll on Health Teens and Parents Say,” the article states, “Almost 40 percent of parents say their high schooler is experiencing a lot of stress from school, according to a new NPR poll conducted with the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and the Harvard School of Public Health.” Parents are noticing that school is affecting their children in a way that they never experienced. Parents empathize with their children but cannot comprehend the struggles that today’s students are asked off. A highschoolers school stress can come from a number of different things. Arguably, the biggest stressor is maintaining a good GPA and transcript to be accepted into a good college. NPR gives the example of Nora Huynh who becomes inconsolable upon learning the news of not receiving a perfect 4.0 GPA on her high school report card. Her mother is shocked to see how her high, but not perfect, GPA has negatively affected her daughter. The message that highschoolers are getting is that doing your best is simply not enough.

One might think that getting accepted into a good college is an end to the school stress, that college is the end all be all. That might be the case for some students but not for all. For those students who continue to suffer from school related stress, their mental health will continue to worsen. Schools and colleges are aware of the mental health struggles their students suffer with but do little about it. Higher Insider Ed acknowledges this notion by saying, “More specifically, the stress children, teenagers and college-age students feel about grades along with the pressure they experience from parents and teachers are directly linked to the widely reported mental health crisis in these age groups”. Untreated mental health problems within young individuals can be detrimental. Sadly, school stress has led to students committing suicide. Higher Insider Ed writes about Worchester Polytechnic Institue having three students commit suicide within a year. WPI is known for their rigorous STEM program in which all three students were a part of. It is not misleading to say that the difficult program is what led to these students choosing to end their own lives. After the death of the three students, WPI acknowledged the need for more mental health support on campus. However, the university has made no change in how they grade and teach their programs.

The pressure of getting good grades is killing today’s students. High school students aren’t just taking math, social studies, and English anymore. Today’s students are taking AP U.S. History, AP Calculus, and College level English classes- all at the same time. Taking these classes allows a student’s GPA to be above the normal 4.0. Colleges today look for those overachievers, leaving those who aren’t ready for college level classes in high school to be already left behind. School is not the only thing in a teenager’s life, and it shouldn’t be. Most high schoolers are in extra curriculum’s such as sports, have a job, and or just want some down time to hang out with their friends. All these activities are needed as stress relief to keep a healthy mind; however, today’s students simply do not have the time. These commitments and schooling only intensify as the students enter college. College courses get harder and the stress of committing to a major can be overwhelming.

Along with parents, I think it is easy for adults and institutions to forget how stressful and intense school can be for today’s students. It is important for schools to start acknowledging their student’s mental health. Sadly, it was too late for the students at WPI but not for other schools. With proper care and new grading systems, student anxiety and depression would reduce in numbers. Normalizing being average in today’s society could save lives.

References

“Grades are at the Center of the Student Mental Health Crisis.”

“School Stress Takes a Toll on Health, Teen and Parents say“

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