Open Strong—kedudnaimad

Posted on March 2, 2017 by kedudnaimad

A new proposal for combating gerrymandering has appeared and it is not what one would expect. A Tufts University professor has come up with the idea to put more geometry experts in court. At first glance it seems unreasonable to put mathematic experts in courts but recent studies have shown that there is a link between metric geometry and gerrymandering.

This entry was posted in Open Strong. Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Open Strong—kedudnaimad

  1. davidbdale's avatar davidbdale says:
    March 3, 2017 at 1:04 pm

    Kedud, be wary of “it is,” and “it seems,” and “there is.” They signal weak claims. Your strong opening should be packed with robust sentences making robust claims with robust verbs.

    Like the Garbage Patch video, your paragraph fails to identify a problem readers would care about. You use the word gerrymandering, but don’t clarify its danger.

    Be wary also of “a link between,” which says very little and must always be elaborated. In this case, metric geometry UNMASKS THE HYPOCRISY of gerrymandering. See the difference?

    I encourage you to revise for an upgrade.
    So far, 1/3

    Reply

Leave a comment