It seems counterintuitive that photographers on assignment in Haiti, put their focus on capturing Fabienne’s innocent lifeless body as the “face” of the earthquake’s aftermath rather than displaying the actual destruction caused by it.
Fabienne Cherisma’s death was not directly caused by the earthquake as it may seem, but instead by the negligence of local law enforcement. While chaos occurred around the country from disastrous earthquake on January 19th, 2010, police were left to control the situation and stop the looting occurring in the capital. Mistakenly, they shot 15-year old Fabienne in the head as she was crossing a rooftop with her paintings. This had attracted all of the journalistic sharks that smelled the blood from afar. They began to photograph her body lying on the concrete with her blood-soaked paintings under her. It became a problem when they went as far to re-arrange her body for a more impacting image which was a complete disgrace to her and her family.
Counterintuitive Fall 2024 
lil.sapph, you’ve neglected a primary obligation of Purposeful Summary, which is to provide the reader enough background information to put the summary into context.
You can’t drop into the story with “these photographers” if your readers don’t know who you’re talking about. You show the same neglect with “the earthquake” and even “the country.”
Your very bold “sharks that smelled the blood” is a powerful choice, but you spoil it with “and fame,” which is hard to imagine having a smell.
You appear to like to use two word spaces after periods. That sometimes results in lines along the left margin that start with spaces and don’t align. It’s a hard habit to break, but I’ll keep reminding you.
You can revise this before grading.
It seems counterintuitive that photographers on assignment in Haiti, put their focus on capturing Fabienne’s innocent lifeless body as the “face” of the earthquake’s aftermath rather than displaying the actual destruction caused by it.
Fabienne Cherisma’s death was not directly caused by the earthquake as it may seem, but instead by the negligence of local law enforcement. While chaos occurred around the country from disastrous earthquake on January 19th, 2010, police were left to control the situation and stop the looting occurring in the capital. Mistakenly, they shot 15-year old Fabienne in the head as she was crossing a rooftop with her paintings. This had attracted all of the journalistic sharks that smelled the blood from afar. They began to photograph her body lying on the concrete with her blood-soaked paintings under her. It became a problem when they went as far to re-arrange her body for a more impacting image which was a complete disgrace to her and her family.
Good improvements. I copied your revised text back into the document, which is the “house technique” for making edits. If I haven’t shown you yet how to compare your versions—the current and every version WordPress saves for you—let me know and I’ll demo the technique to the class.