The Cost of Chasing Impossible Dreams

We all want to encourage the people we love to pursue their goals, but we must also be careful not to enable them to waste their lives chasing impossible dreams. We celebrate with a friend who earns a well-deserved promotion at work, but we feel despair when they quit that job to chase a dream of becoming “the next Mariah Carey ” without a sense of tone . In the book, Championship Behaviors: A Model for Competitive Excellence in Sports, Hugh McCutcheon explains that “a dream can cause real emotional, physical, and mental damages” when it is unrealistic. If we were more willing to be honest with our loved ones, we could spare them the anguish of a lifetime of failure by helping them face the truth about their dreams.

Mental disorders, especially anxiety and depression, have become more prevalent throughout this age in time. These issues do not just affect adults, but they affect younger children too, particularly those who pursue high pressure dreams. In a study called An Examination of Depression, Anxiety, and Self-Esteem in Collegiate Student-Athletes, Samantha R Weber mentions that “Student-athletes (22.3%) were at risk for depression, anxiety (12.5%), and low self-esteem (8%).” Some of these students may be anxiety ridden because of the things going on in their game, the idea of trying to go professional, or because a parent is constantly encouraging them to continue when they do not want to. Being good at a sport is one thing, but being able to go professional is another; very few do. According to the National Collegiate Athletic Association, only about 2% of student-athletes actually go on to become professional. With these slim odds of actually going professional in sports, we can see why trying to go professional can create anxiety; they are trying to do their best, but are still failing in the end.

The “understudy effect” highlights how rare it is to achieve greatness by chance. This phenomenon occurs when someone in a secondary role steps into the spotlight unexpectedly, such as an understudy replacing a lead actor or an assistant conductor filling in for a maestro. While it occasionally leads to success stories like Leonard Bernstein and Esa-Pekka Salonen, which according to Jane Piirto, in The Piirto Pyramid of Talent Development, “were assistant conductors who got their big chance when the maestros under whom they worked had to miss a concert,” these moments are exceptions, not the rule. In most cases, the understudy remains in the shadows, tirelessly working without recognition or opportunity. For individuals stuck as perpetual second choices—whether as the second chair in an orchestra or a backup player in professional sports—this reality can be crushing. Dreams require immense hard work, but when that effort only secures a backup role, it may be time to confront the truth. Family and loved ones who care deeply should offer a wake-up call, urging them to reevaluate their goals. Wasting a lifetime waiting for a one-in-a-million chance at success only prolongs frustration and emotional pain. Recognizing when to move on from an impossible dream is often the best path toward fulfillment. 

George Gmelch, in his book Playing with Tigers: A Minor League Chronicle of the Sixties, reflects on his pursuit of a childhood dream to become a major league baseball player. He reveals that “only 8 percent of Minor League players starting out in rookie ball ever make it to the big leagues.” Despite years of support from loved ones, Gmelch never achieved his dream. After playing in the minor leagues for a few years, he ultimately left baseball and redirected his efforts into writing, eventually becoming a successful author. Those years chasing an unattainable dream, however, were marked by frustration and lost potential. Like Gmelch, many children grow up aspiring to become professional athletes in sports such as baseball, basketball, football, or hockey. Encouraging these impossible dreams often creates a false sense of security and self-worth, fostering the belief that success is within reach when the odds are overwhelmingly against it. Parental support, though well-meaning, can inflate a child’s ego and reinforce unrealistic expectations. When these dreams inevitably collide with reality, the emotional fallout can be devastating. Rejection at the professional level often triggers anxiety, self-doubt, and feelings of inadequacy. Many struggle with questions about their identity and worth, wondering if their abilities were ever enough or if their loved ones misled them.

The pursuit of unattainable dreams often leads to prolonged stress, as individuals face constant pressure to improve and meet impossible standards. This anxiety compounds over time, leaving them emotionally exhausted and uncertain about their future. Few athletes, performers, or musicians ever make it to the professional stage, and the pursuit of such unlikely outcomes can come at the cost of mental health and personal fulfillment. Instead of encouraging an impossible dream, parents and loved ones should tell the person they are encouraging the truth. With this truth, it will help a person trying to attain an impossible dream recognize reality, adjust their goals, and pursue a path that aligns with their true potential.

In conclusion, there comes a time to stop encouraging someone who is pursuing an impossible dream. Continued encouragement can push them toward emotional, physical, and mental damage, especially as they face anxiety or even depression when their dream remains unattainable. Being seen as a second option rather than the first can take a toll on their mental health, as they waste valuable time clinging to the slim hope of success. While telling someone to give up may seem harsh, it ultimately helps them confront reality. By letting go of an unattainable dream, they can redirect their energy toward goals that offer real opportunities for fulfillment and success. Encouragement should focus on helping loved ones find paths that benefit their well-being and future, rather than fueling unrealistic expectations. Helping someone move on from a dream that only causes harm is not cruel—it is an act of care and honesty that can lead them to discover their true potential.

References

Gmelch, G. (2016). Playing with Tigers. Google Books. https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=reIsCwAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PT10&dq=%22minor+league+baseball%22+%22chasing+the+dream%22&ots=Dd8jgsIW-i&sig=xF_nuDvgFs_80J5cEQ6o08IU3Gs#v=onepage&q=%22minor%20league%20baseball%22%20%22chasing%20the%20dream%22&f=false

McCutcheon, H. (2022). Championship behaviors. Google Books. https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=pONgEAAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PT3&dq=%22motivation%22+%22achievement%22+%22chasing+the+dream%22+%2Bathlete+%22psychological%22&ots=y8udN-f1N3&sig=TW3sKZKZdjYHWd-CajV0TQeZ1MI#v=onepage&q&f=false

NCAA. (2014). NCAA RECRUITING FACTS. NCAA. https://www.nfhs.org/media/886012/recruiting-fact-sheet-web.pdf

Piirto, J. (2011). The Piirto Pyramid of Talent Development:. Jane Piirto PhD. https://janepiirto.com/?page_id=626

Weber, S. R., Winkelmann, Z. K., Monsma, E. V., Arent, S. M., & Torres-McGehee, T. M. (2023). An Examination of Depression, Anxiety, and Self-Esteem in Collegiate Student-Athletes. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 20(2), 1211. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9858692/