3 Responses to 2nd Person – ChefRat

1. davidbdale says:

   November 18, 2024 at 12:56 pm

   I’ve read just one of your examples, ChefRat, the first.

   You say:
   upon analysis of the evidence, it clearly proves so

   That gets rid of the 2nd person, but it’s a bad sentence.

   Now get rid of the it.

   analysis of the evidence clearly proves so

   Do that in every sentence where the it immediately follows the noun it represents, or whenever the antecedent of it is unclear.

   Reply
2. ChefRat says:

   November 18, 2024 at 3:29 pm

   I tried to capture the argument (not in the literal sense) in each rewrite of the sentences. There was honestly difficulty discussing the subject of the sentence without using the word “it” and some sentence fluidity may seem off. Please let me know which of these sentences specifically present this issue and I will work on it!

   Reply
3. davidbdale says:

   November 19, 2024 at 9:27 am

   For feedback, I’ll ignore the content of the original sentences and make recommendations only on your revised sentences.

   1. Taxpayers often question whether the amount of money spent on students truly makes a difference, but an analysis of the evidence directly proves so. Any parent whose child attends these expensive schools would agree.
      —Beautiful. Any parent would agree.
   2. Obviously, every sport has unique injuries, but couldn’t objections arise if there was greater clarification that surgery preformed before an injury could benefit an athlete’s strength?
      —Very nice although my preference is always for the declarative, never the Rhetorical question. In my version:
      —but objections arise when surgery, performed before an injury, benefits an athlete’s strength.
   3. After being consumed by a drug, there is no stopping a body’s automatic response to seek that high again, no matter the consequences or repercussion that may come along.
      —Nice work removing the 2nd person.
      —The resulting sentence misplaces the opening modifier. What does that mean? Your sentence says (but you clearly don’t want it to) that the “body’s automatic response” is “consumed by a drug.” What’s the solution?
      —There is no stopping the body’s automatic desire to seek the high it got from consuming a drug, no matter the consequences.
   4. Inviting Syrians to a country will only increase problems unless there is clear plans for mitigation.
      —either: There IS A clear PLAN for mitigation. Or: There ARE clear PLANS for mitigation.
   5. The idea of not having physical money on hand may seem trivial upon first glance.
      —Very nice.
   6. That little green piece of paper that goes into pockets actually has no intrinsic value, except for the cost of production. Yet, we as a society will work ourselves to the bone to get more, all of that for a bank to be the recipient in the end.
      —Sometimes the simplest solution is the best. WE works beautifully here.
   7. So the next time a bank statement or dollar bill meets is in the hands of its holder, that person is now tied to the fabricated value the paper holds. However, without this currency, society might as well return to trading livestock.
      —Hmmm.
      —Every dollar bill binds its holder to the fabricated value . . . .
   8. It has dawned upon me that this dollar bill has no value until someone else decides their goods are worth exchanging in return.
      —Very nice.
   9. Having the ability to carry money without physical possession is a reminder, that just like the stone currency, physical possession isn’t necessary to own Bitcoin.
      —Very nice, but we don’t need the trashy “having” or the trashy “carrying.”
      —Both of them suggest “physical holding,” which is what we’re arguing against.
      —”Money without bills or coins reminds us that physical possession . . . “
   10. The discussions people have of the American Dream, requires believers to possess a quantifiable sum of green paper that deem them “financially stable.” With deeper reflection, these individuals will eventually realize that their entire lives revolve around these green pieces of paper.
       —Very nice, but we don’t need both “people” and “believers.”
       —Discussions of the American Dream require that believers possess . . . .
       —Who “has discussions” besides “people”?
   11. Money is a complex concept, and the pursuit will span a lifetime. The moment school starts, the goal is to join the game and earn as many of these pieces of paper, to make life more fun and acceptable.
       —You’re just itching to put people in here. It’s not hard if you accept that this is OUR system you’re talking about. First person plural.
       —From the first day of school WE join the game to earn as many pieces of green paper as WE need to make life more fun.

   Beautiful work overall, ChefRat. Thank you for posting promptly as a resource for your classmates. Graded.

   Reply