Reducing Jargon and “Academese”
You will be tempted to “sound academic” when writing papers for college courses. Professors may make you feel it’s essential to your success that you sound like a language-making machine. Nothing could be more harmful to your style. Nothing could do more damage to your coherence.
“Academic” arguments say things like:
In light of the discussions that identify the implication of misrepresentation and exploitation of a subordinated culture by a dominant culture, the concept of cultural appropriation as an adverse inference has provided the ground for a contradiction. The countered argument redirects the notion of cultural appropriation with parameters and amplifiers that provide context to the wrongfulness that underlies cultural appropriation and sets the idea that there may be a dependent factor by the subordinate culture that must be met.
Believe it or not, the subject matter of that paragraph is K-Pop. Yes, the author wants us to know that Korean pop boy bands borrow (let’s say steal) dance moves, lyrics, attitudes of black American hip-hop artists. The argument is that such theft damages the original artists.
The language of the paragraph may be fine for an audience of other academics already well versed in the details of the topic under discussion. But if you’re not terribly skilled at such language, the result of trying to emulate it is usually disastrous. I suggest:
Many claim that borrowing or reinterpreting aspects of a weaker culture by a stronger one necessarily harms the weaker culture. But that is true, and the borrowing is wrong, only if the subordinate culture in some way depends on the dominant one.
Some other examples.
It is difficult to imagine a society that is not influenced by music.
Music enlivens and shapes every society.
The influence that music has may be illustrated as forms of expression or ways of living that often indicate struggles, oppression, or movements against mainstream authoritative systems.
In lyrics and songs, musicians express their struggles against oppression.
Music artists, especially those within the hip hop genre, utilize their experiences to express their political and social views as a form of social activism.
As social activists, hip hop artists in particular deploy their art to express outrage at the status quo.
With the understanding of the cultural aspect of music creation, which considers these forms of expressions, the concept of cultural appropriation takes form as the exploitation of another culture’s music creation by utilizing their language, environment, political or personal struggles without understanding the cultural foundation.
The thoughtless appropriation of hip hop “style” by artists disinterested in the personal struggles or politics of the original creators is exploitation for profit, pure and simple.
In the entertainment industry, the challenge that often impacts success stems from consumer behavior, economic growth, and the industry’s culture.
Even conscientious artists, if they want to achieve stardom, succumb to the demands of record companies to appeal to consumer demand.
Understanding that there is a financial benefit to making music and that success is impacted by selling music, the issue becomes finding ways to maximize the financial benefit.
Understandably, the music business is driven by a desire to please consumers. And that profit motive contaminates any respect artists may have for the cultures they “borrow” from.
Stardom in the music industry has become a stage where only a few musicians survive.
Only the most ruthless musicians achieve stardom.
How far the musician gets depends on the music industry’s adoption of the changes from consumer behavior and preferences to listening and purchasing music.
Those who cater to “whatever the consumers will buy” rise to the top.
This phenomenon has been indicated to impact monetary provision to music artists and creates the notion of “making it” in the music industry.
Success in music is measured by sales, not by quality or decency.
It is in this area of entertainment is where cultural appropriation takes its shape in a debate between a wrongful act of misrepresentation and exploitation versus cultural appreciation for the different cultural traditions.
What begins as cultural appreciation for the music of another culture quickly degrades into cultural appropriation for profit when money rules every decision.
In this arena, musicians struggle between adaptations to corporate suggestions such as producing, singing and dancing what is considered a “music hit” regardless of the negative impact that may come from a cultural appropriation challenge.
When making music is reduced to making profits, even conscientious musicians abandon their appreciation for other cultures in favor of producing “hits,” regardless of the harm to the artists they exploit.
Many claim that borrowing or reinterpreting aspects of a weaker culture by a stronger one necessarily harms the weaker culture. But that is true, and the borrowing is wrong, only if the subordinate culture in some way depends on the dominant one.
In-Class Exercise
Copy and paste the paragraph below into the Reply field and “de-academize” it. Eliminating needless words is important, but MORE important is making clear and robust claims with whatever is left.
Societal disruption has demonstrably shown its chaotic effects and thereby illuminated the inherent instability of the society in question, part of which is the inevitable consequence of technological instability. The American reaction to the COVID-19 pandemic produced a significant disruption to our economic norms, particularly but not exclusively in the relative employability of large parts of the population. As a chaotic response ensued from the outset of the pandemic, it became evident to anyone who wished to see that American health and bureaucratic institutions were armed to combat not this new pandemic but perhaps one of an earlier generation, for which such a chaotic response would have produced less instability. With any disruption to broad systemic norms of societal behavior, it is reasonable to expect some negative blowback and destabilization. However, when America—unlike many other nations that did not experience deep negative performance losses—was put to the test, a large underperformance in employment ensued.
Counterintuitive Fall 2024 
“Societal disruption has demonstrably shown its chaotic effects and thereby illuminated the inherent instability of the society in question, part of which is the inevitable consequence of technological instability. The American reaction to the COVID-19 pandemic produced a significant disruption to our economic norms, particularly but not exclusively in the relative employability of large parts of the population. As a chaotic response ensued from the outset of the pandemic, it became evident to anyone who wished to see that American health and bureaucratic institutions were armed to combat not this new pandemic but perhaps one of an earlier generation, for which such a chaotic response would have produced less instability. With any disruption to broad systemic norms of societal behavior, it is reasonable to expect some negative blowback and destabilization. However, when America—unlike many other nations that did not experience deep negative performance losses—was put to the test, a large underperformance in employment ensued.“
The chaos that ensued at the start of the pandemic, made clear to anyone paying attention that American health and bureaucratic institutions were prepared to handle a past generation’s crisis, not the unique challenges of this new pandemic. For an older threat, a chaotic response may have led to less disruption. While some negative impacts and destabilization are expected to cause major disruptions, America faced particularly severe consequences. Unlike many other nations, which managed to avoid significant performance declines, the U.S. saw a substantial drop in employment.
Sensational.
America’s technological instability contributed to job loss during the COVID-19 pandemic. The chaotic response in American health and bureaucratic institutions proved they were unprepared for this new emergency. Any pandemic would destabilize a culture, but American job losses were worse than other cultures’.
America technological insatiably was highlighted as a key issue during a pandemic. The pandemic cost Americans their jobs. American Health Institution weren’t ready to combat modern pandemic. Disruption to societal norm created destabilization. The American economy wasn’t badly damage instead there was record levels of unemployment.
Not sure that the economy wasn’t damaged, but the rest seems accurate.
In an even more refined version, you would rewrite your sentences for better flow. Beautiful draft.
The COVID-19 pandemic exposed the instability in American society, especially in regards to labor. The country’s response to the crisis was disorganized from the start, showing that our health and government systems were not prepared for the modern day pandemic. While other nations managed better, the U.S. experienced a decline in employment and economic performance, revealing deeper flaws in its ability to adapt to these challenges.
Fantastic.
The “While other” phrase leads us onto an odd comparison track, but otherwise, I have no objections to the logic.
COVID-19 in America causes an increase of unemployment rate during the pandemic which disrupts the economy. The response of the pandemic from the institution was unstable and made civilians desire to seek health care have increase drastically. America wasn’t prepared to face a pandemic based on past history where they never have to face a drastic case compared to other nations around the world.
After two or three reads, I’ll be able to unpack the logic here. Hazy because of grammar, but I understand why.
People lost their jobs because of technological instability during COVID-19 pandemic. . American health and bureaucratic institutions were not ready for such emergency. US faced particularly severe consequences, unlike other nations who managed this instability and were more prepared for such crisis.
People lost their jobs because of technological instability during COVID-19 pandemic. . American health and bureaucratic institutions were not ready for such emergency. US faced particularly severe consequences such as unempoyment and economic decline, unlike other nations who managed this instability and were more prepared for such crisis.
Your “unlike” phrase is superior to the “While” construction of an earlier Reply by a classmate. Learn from one another.
Beautiful draft.
“Societal disruption has demonstrably shown its chaotic effects and thereby illuminated the inherent instability of the society in question, part of which is the inevitable consequence of technological instability. The American reaction to the COVID-19 pandemic produced a significant disruption to our economic norms, particularly but not exclusively in the relative employability of large parts of the population. As a chaotic response ensued from the outset of the pandemic, it became evident to anyone who wished to see that American health and bureaucratic institutions were armed to combat not this new pandemic but perhaps one of an earlier generation, for which such a chaotic response would have produced less instability. With any disruption to broad systemic norms of societal behavior, it is reasonable to expect some negative blowback and destabilization. However, when America—unlike many other nations that did not experience deep negative performance losses—was put to the test, a large underperformance in employment ensued.“
The de-academized Version: The COVID-19 pandemic impacted many norms, including people going to work, the health care of people registered in institutions, and the behavior of American citizens. Unlike America, other nations have never experienced such a downfall and blowback, a theory that was tested. However, with it came a large underperformance of employment, showing the crack of the US and many other failing nations of power.
Distracted by your “other nations” comparison, but I like the naturalness of your language here.
Lovely draft.
“Societal disruption has demonstrably shown its chaotic effects and thereby illuminated the inherent instability of the society in question, part of which is the inevitable consequence of technological instability. The American reaction to the COVID-19 pandemic produced a significant disruption to our economic norms, particularly but not exclusively in the relative employability of large parts of the population. As a chaotic response ensued from the outset of the pandemic, it became evident to anyone who wished to see that American health and bureaucratic institutions were armed to combat not this new pandemic but perhaps one of an earlier generation, for which such a chaotic response would have produced less instability. With any disruption to broad systemic norms of societal behavior, it is reasonable to expect some negative blowback and destabilization. However, when America—unlike many other nations that did not experience deep negative performance losses—was put to the test, a large underperformance in employment ensued.“
Societal disruptions have exposed deep instability, which was then worsened by technological challenges. The U.S response to the COVID-19 pandemic led to major economic disruption, specifically in employment. American institutions, prepared for earlier crises, were not equipped for this challenge, resulting in underperformance and destabilization in markets, stores and other places. For other nations, this was not the case.
A Causal Chain! I didn’t see it myself. I’ll have to read the horrible original again to see where you picked it up.
Wonderful, unique, and intriguing.
The COVID-19 pandemic exposed America’s societal and technological instability, especially in unemployment rates. The chaotic response by the U.S. highlighted that the U.S. health and government systems were better suited for earlier pandemics. While disruptions often cause instability, many other countries fared better than the U.S., which experienced a significant increase unemployment.
Fantastic.
“Societal disruption has demonstrably shown its chaotic effects and thereby illuminated the inherent instability of the society in question, part of which is the inevitable consequence of technological instability. The American reaction to the COVID-19 pandemic produced a significant disruption to our economic norms, particularly but not exclusively in the relative employability of large parts of the population. As a chaotic response ensued from the outset of the pandemic, it became evident to anyone who wished to see that American health and bureaucratic institutions were armed to combat not this new pandemic but perhaps one of an earlier generation, for which such a chaotic response would have produced less instability. With any disruption to broad systemic norms of societal behavior, it is reasonable to expect some negative blowback and destabilization. However, when America—unlike many other nations that did not experience deep negative performance losses—was put to the test, a large underperformance in employment ensued.”
Technoligal instability and the disruption in our society caused by the covid 19 pandemic effected employment for millions of Americans. Bureaucratic institutions were not prepared for this threat like they had been for previous pandemics. Their chaotic response lead to a disfuntional culture and Americans suffered more job loss then other cultures.
Very nice but for some grammar/usage problems.
Also, saying that a pandemic AFFECTED employment is an unclear claim. Did it improve the jobless rate or what?
“Societal disruption has demonstrably shown its chaotic effects and thereby illuminated the inherent instability of the society in question, part of which is the inevitable consequence of technological instability. The American reaction to the COVID-19 pandemic produced a significant disruption to our economic norms, particularly but not exclusively in the relative employability of large parts of the population. As a chaotic response ensued from the outset of the pandemic, it became evident to anyone who wished to see that American health and bureaucratic institutions were armed to combat not this new pandemic but perhaps one of an earlier generation, for which such a chaotic response would have produced less instability. With any disruption to broad systemic norms of societal behavior, it is reasonable to expect some negative blowback and destabilization. However, when America—unlike many other nations that did not experience deep negative performance losses—was put to the test, a large underperformance in employment ensued.“
Mostly wonderful despite some grammar/usage problems.
Societal disruption has demonstrably shown its chaotic effects and thereby illuminated the inherent instability of the society in question, part of which is the inevitable consequence of technological instability. The American reaction to the COVID-19 pandemic produced a significant disruption to our economic norms, particularly but not exclusively in the relative employability of large parts of the population. As a chaotic response ensued from the outset of the pandemic, it became evident to anyone who wished to see that American health and bureaucratic institutions were armed to combat not this new pandemic but perhaps one of an earlier generation, for which such a chaotic response would have produced less instability. With any disruption to broad systemic norms of societal behavior, it is reasonable to expect some negative blowback and destabilization. However, when America—unlike many other nations that did not experience deep negative performance losses—was put to the test, a large underperformance in employment ensued.
Rewrite
COVID-19 proved technology caused inherent instability society. This pandemic produced a significant disruption to the economic norms, specifically in the job market. COVID-19 negatively impacted American health and government systems which also contributes to the instability of society.
Brief but not clear.
Societal disruption has demonstrably shown its chaotic effects and thereby illuminated the inherent instability of the society in question, part of which is the inevitable consequence of technological instability. The American reaction to the COVID-19 pandemic produced a significant disruption to our economic norms, particularly but not exclusively in the relative employability of large parts of the population. As a chaotic response ensued from the outset of the pandemic, it became evident to anyone who wished to see that American health and bureaucratic institutions were armed to combat not this new pandemic but perhaps one of an earlier generation, for which such a chaotic response would have produced less instability. With any disruption to broad systemic norms of societal behavior, it is reasonable to expect some negative blowback and destabilization. However, when America—unlike many other nations that did not experience deep negative performance losses—was put to the test, a large underperformance in employment ensued.
Disruption of society reveals the low-bottom confusion of a society often made worse by rapid technological change. The American reaction to COVID-19 triggered significant economic dislocations, particularly decimating employment prospects for large populations. Right from the beginning, it was apparent that America would be equipped to deal with a previous issue, not the realities of COVID-19. These outdated systems were unable to restore order, creating even greater issues. Though no doubt there will be disruption to a nation during times of crisis, the U.S. is getting behind every other country in the world causing extraordinary job and economic loss around the world.
Huh?
Societal disruption has demonstrably shown its chaotic effects and thereby illuminated the inherent instability of the society in question, part of which is the inevitable consequence of technological instability. The American reaction to the COVID-19 pandemic produced a significant disruption to our economic norms, particularly but not exclusively in the relative employability of large parts of the population. As a chaotic response ensued from the outset of the pandemic, it became evident to anyone who wished to see that American health and bureaucratic institutions were armed to combat not this new pandemic but perhaps one of an earlier generation, for which such a chaotic response would have produced less instability. With any disruption to broad systemic norms of societal behavior, it is reasonable to expect some negative blowback and destabilization. However, when America—unlike many other nations that did not experience deep negative performance losses—was put to the test, a large underperformance in employment ensued.
The COVID-19 pandemic disrupted American society, exposing weaknesses in our health and economic systems. The chaotic response highlighted that our institutions were outdated and unprepared for a crisis of this scale, causing widespread job losses and instability. Unlike other nations, the U.S. saw significant setbacks in employment as a result.
Just so.
The COVID-19 pandemic led to a widespread panic throughout America, and revealed how easily the nation would succumb to chaos following a catastrophic event. The unemployment rate in America following COVID-19 skyrocketed exponentially, disrupting large parts of the population; the American workforce was disrupted, which was to be expected, but not at the level that destabilization occurred. The dramatic response made one thing clear: the American people desired a plan from the health and bureaucratic institutions in power to combat the widespread chaos alongside the pandemic itself.
Love: which was to be expected, but not at the level that destabilization occurred.
Dispute that this occurs in the original: the American people desired a plan
Substantially spectacular.
With the sudden appearance of the COVID-19 pandemic, the public became exposed to the inadequacies of our modern society and governments to deal with such a thing, and thus many jobs were lost. The large amount of disruption caused because of the outbreak shook not only societal norms, but also the behavior of everyone effected. This felt quite heavily in America as nationwide performance became much lower than other countries affected by the virus.
This is lovely but as much a reinterpretation of the original as a summary. Yours is probably better, but . . .
Societal disruption has demonstrably shown its chaotic effects and thereby illuminated the inherent instability of the society in question, part of which is the inevitable consequence of technological instability. The American reaction to the COVID-19 pandemic produced a significant disruption to our economic norms, particularly but not exclusively in the relative employability of large parts of the population. As a chaotic response ensued from the outset of the pandemic, it became evident to anyone who wished to see that American health and bureaucratic institutions were armed to combat not this new pandemic but perhaps one of an earlier generation, for which such a chaotic response would have produced less instability. With any disruption to broad systemic norms of societal behavior, it is reasonable to expect some negative blowback and destabilization. However, when America—unlike many other nations that did not experience deep negative performance losses—was put to the test, a large underperformance in employment ensued.
The US was not prepared for the societal disruption caused by the pandemic. The pandemic highlighted the technological instability present in American institutions. When the pandemic hit it caused more significant unemployment and economic disruption in the US than it did in other countries with less technological instability.
Sounds familiar.
Why: When the pandemic hit it caused
Instead of: The pandemic caused
Nice work.
A lack of proper technology along with an unstable society caused social disruption amongst citizens of the country. Economic norms were severely impacted by the COVID-19 pandemic, hence affecting employment rates across America. As way of life changes in the country, citizens all over bear negative feelings towards a country they feel is falling apart. Compared to other nations, the American government failed to uphold stability and employment of the country during this dire time.
The inherent instability of society leads to the inevitable consequence of technological instability. The American reaction to the COVID-19 pandemic led to a significant part of the population being unable to be employed. As a result of the pandemic, it became obvious to everyone that the American health and bureaucratic institutions were ill equipped to combat this new pandemic. Disruptions of this scale, tend to lead to destabilization. However, unlike other nations, when America was put to the test, a decrease in employment followed.
Instability as a result of the Covid 19 pandemic has disrupted American society as well as the economy. Although it is reasonable to expect changes to ensue as a result of a global pandemic, other nations were better equipped to handle these threats than America and therefore experienced much less of a detriment to their employment rate.
The disruptions caused by the COVID-19 pandemic showed how unstable society can be, especially when technology is involved. In the U.S., the pandemic led to major economic changes, especially in how many people could find work. From the start, it was clear that America’s health and government systems were not fully prepared for this new crisis. They were more suited to handle problems from previous pandemics, and their responses caused more chaos than needed. When big changes happen in society, it’s normal to expect some problems and instability. But unlike some other countries, the U.S. struggled significantly, with a sharp drop in employment during the pandemic.