2 Responses to Gerrymandering Article-therealmoana

1. davidbdale says:

   March 4, 2017 at 12:46 pm

   Your paragraph expresses a recognizable attitude to a named problem, Moana. Every bit of that is good and worth improving. Let’s look at individual sentences.

   Moon Duchin, a Tuft’s University professor, has come up with a way to exploit the disadvantages of gerrymandering.

   I think I understand your point, but you don’t mean EXPLOIT. I exploit a person’s weakness, for example, when I take advantage of him, make him work for nothing, or seize his property.

   Gerrymandering manipulates the shape of electoral district votes for a certain party.

   Manipulate is the perfect verb here (and that means the odds of your sentence being successful are about 80%). You COULD SAY, and probably should say, that the “particular party” is the party that controls the local legislature, and that the party they benefit is their own.

   It so happens that minorities rule the majority of the voting causing there votes to be more valuable then any other group or party.

   Maybe you mean OVERRULE here, Moana. That would work nicely. “It so happens” means that an accident occurred, but we both no gerrymandering is quite deliberate, so don’t confuse your readers. Finally, you mean THEIR (not there) and THAN (not then).

   This has caused endless problems in government so, Duchin has come up with a way to train mathematicians so they can appear in courts as witnesses to redraw in electoral districts.

   Maybe. It’s possible the minority party is smarter and SHOULD be in control. But that’s not your point. Name the problem. It’s fundamentally unfair in a democracy for the minority to overrule the majority.

   Your reactions are most welcome.
   Please consider revising for an upgrade.
   So far, 2/3

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2. davidbdale says:

   March 20, 2017 at 5:28 pm

   Better, but a little sloppy. A few corrections, please:

   Moon Duchin, a Tuft’s University professor, has come up with a way to identify the disadvantages of gerrymandering. Gerrymandering manipulates the shape of electoral district votes for a particular party, [punctuation] they now are in control of the local legislature and the party they benefit is from [why from?] their own. Minorities overrule the majority of the voting causing their votes to be more valuable than any other group or party. This has caused endless problems in government because it [verb?] unfair in a democracy for the minority to overrule the majority group, [punctuation] Duchin has come up with a way to train mathematicians so they can appear in courts as witnesses to redrawn in [what does that mean?] electoral districts.

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