Open Strong- Chippy

Tufts University professor of math Moon Duchin has a proposal to combat gerrymandering. She wants to give geometry experts a day in court since they are the key to solving the issue of gerrymandering. Using math to manipulate the shapes of electoral districts to benefit specific parties is what she wants to accomplish and it is a very reasonable proposal. She is willing to go to extreme measures to accomplish this, such as training a new generation of expert witnesses who know math pretty well.

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1 Response to Open Strong- Chippy

  1. davidbdale says:

    This is very strong, Chippy!
    Regardless, I am full of nagging advice and will encourage a revision as always.

    Words to celebrate, words to reconsider:
    proposal: It’s weaker than PLAN, but it does indicate that she’s not in charge and depends on others to implement her plan, so you get to decide.
    combat: I could not be happier about this word.
    wants to give: Again, there are stronger words, but this again emphasizes she’s on the outside of the process looking in. If that’s your goal, it’s a good choice.
    solving the issue: You’re about to mention gerrymandering for the second time without telling readers why it’s a problem. You want them support COMBAT. Give them a hint why the enemy must die.
    manipulate: You say SHE wants to manipulate the districts, but manipulation is underhanded and illicit. The party in charge MANIPULATES the districts. She wants to COMBAT that. Or you could say REDRAW them fairly, or RESTORE FAIRNESS to them. Something like that.
    willing: Willingness is never the point; an opportunity is never the point; the ability is never the point. ACTION is the point. She GOES to extreme measures to accomplish FAIRNESS, or JUSTICE, or to RESTORE DEMOCRATIC VALUES. Something like that.

    You remember I said it’s very strong already, right, Moana?
    I encourage you to revise for an upgrade.
    So far, 2/3.

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