Opening for Gerrymandering -Studentwriter

Posted on March 6, 2017 by studentwriter1212

Gerrymandering is a problem that does not allow the fair nature of democracy to allow the most fair leader to be in charge. Certain electoral districts are shaped in way that do reflect the clearest united vote coming from a specific area . The problem of government dysfunction is manipulated by individuals who will gain more power because of this inequality.

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1 Response to Opening for Gerrymandering -Studentwriter

  1. davidbdale's avatar davidbdale says:
    March 6, 2017 at 9:10 pm

    Pretty good, Studentwriter, but weak verbs sap most of the strength from your sentences.
    STRONG: Active. Positive.
    WEAK: Passive. Negative.

    Gerrymandering is [WEAK VERB TO BE] a problem that does not allow [WEAK NEGATIVE] the fair nature of democracy to allow the most fair leader to be in charge. Certain electoral districts are shaped [WEAK PASSIVE] in way that do reflect the clearest united vote coming from a specific area . The problem of government dysfunction is manipulated [WEAK PASSIVE] by individuals who will gain more power because of this inequality.

    2nd Draft (my quick rewrite changing only verbs)

    Gerrymandering UNDERMINES democracy, by BARRING the legitimate leader from office. Minority parties DISTORT electoral districts to BELIE the clearest united vote coming from a specific area. Unpopular candidates MANIPULATE this dysfunction to gain more power.

    Now, let me see your version. Your reaction is always appreciated. Revise for regrade. Name the math professor and her plan to abolish gerrymandering.
    So far, 1/3.

    Reply

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