Opening for Gerrymandering -Studentwriter

Gerrymandering is a problem that does not allow the fair nature of democracy to allow the most fair leader to be in charge. Certain electoral districts are shaped in way that do reflect the clearest united vote coming from a specific area . The problem of government dysfunction is manipulated by individuals who will gain more power because of this inequality.

This entry was posted in Open Strong, studentwriter. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Opening for Gerrymandering -Studentwriter

  1. davidbdale says:

    Pretty good, Studentwriter, but weak verbs sap most of the strength from your sentences.
    STRONG: Active. Positive.
    WEAK: Passive. Negative.

    Gerrymandering is [WEAK VERB TO BE] a problem that does not allow [WEAK NEGATIVE] the fair nature of democracy to allow the most fair leader to be in charge. Certain electoral districts are shaped [WEAK PASSIVE] in way that do reflect the clearest united vote coming from a specific area . The problem of government dysfunction is manipulated [WEAK PASSIVE] by individuals who will gain more power because of this inequality.

    2nd Draft (my quick rewrite changing only verbs)

    Gerrymandering UNDERMINES democracy, by BARRING the legitimate leader from office. Minority parties DISTORT electoral districts to BELIE the clearest united vote coming from a specific area. Unpopular candidates MANIPULATE this dysfunction to gain more power.

    Now, let me see your version. Your reaction is always appreciated. Revise for regrade. Name the math professor and her plan to abolish gerrymandering.
    So far, 1/3.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s