Robust Verbs-StripedSweater

To support their habits, heroin addicts will commit crimes, which poses as a huge problem in Vancouver. The “free heroin for addicts” program is an offered solution to lower the crime rate correlation to heroin use. Yet the addicts’ behavior still contribute to the crime rate. Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are negatively affected. The program is trying to lower the crime rates. The action of providing the drug will keep addicts off the streets and lower the crime rate. Not only the crime rate would lower; the heroin provided is safe and will keep heroin users out of the hospital.

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1 Response to Robust Verbs-StripedSweater

  1. davidbdale says:

    SS, you’ve done an amazing job of condensing the horrible original paragraph by eliminating SOOOO much repetitive material.

    Now I want to call your attention to the second round of editing, if you will, the polish.

    1. To support their habits, heroin addicts will commit crimes, which poses as a huge problem in Vancouver.
    2. The “free heroin for addicts” program is an offered solution to lower the crime rate correlation to heroin use.
    3. Yet the addicts’ behavior still contribute to the crime rate.
    4. Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are negatively affected.
    5. The program is trying to lower the crime rates.
    6. The action of providing the drug will keep addicts off the streets and lower the crime rate.
    7. Not only the crime rate would lower; the heroin provided is safe and will keep heroin users out of the hospital.

    1. “poses as” means masquerades. Crimes committed by addicts don’t pretend to be a problem. They’re a real problem. You mean “pose a huge problem,” which means “presents a huge problem.”
    2. The program has been in operation for years, so it’s long past being “offered.” That offer was accepted. It may be designed to lower the crime rate. Your use of the word correlation is confusing. You might mean “relative” to heroin use, but why be vague? Why not say clearly “crimes caused by heroin use”?
    3. I assume what you mean by “their behavior contributes to the crime rate” is that they’re still committing crimes?
    4. You must also mean that they can’t get or keep jobs, and that their social interactions are mostly with the people they rob or burgle or sell unprotected sex to. Be clear, SS.
    5. You’re going to say “the crime rate” three times in sentences 5, 6, and 7. See what you can do to get that down to one time.
    5,6,7: Not only does providing addicts clean free heroin using new needles in a safe location eliminate their need to sell their sex and mug other Vancouverites, it also keeps them out of police stations and emergency rooms. Something like that.

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