Assignment for TUE FEB 14
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– Do a search for phrases such as; there is, was, are, ect.
– weak verbs
– **this is going to be difficult for me, i am not a succinct writer***
– write brief, thoughtful sentences without confounding words
– think of sentences of tiny essays; should convince reader of something
– ie: there is a huge problem in Vancouver of heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits = heroin addicts are mugging and robbing Vancouver residents to support their habits.
That’s a succinct summary! 🙂
I like “Think of sentences as tiny essays.” Did I say that?
Here’s the thing, Torthey. You are entitled to you own style; it does not have to be the airless condensed distillation of thought that I prefer for my own writing. Often a more relaxed, less rigidly constrained voice can ease readers to adopt ideas they might have resisted if they hadn’t been persuaded by something mellifluous. (Is there a noun for something mellifluous? Mellifluosity?)
What will cost you points is language that serves NO purpose. Avoid that.
Began class with a discussion about better writing techniques, essentially writers shouldn’t waste a single word but at the same time shouldn’t just throw in words for length. A long paper doesn’t always mean that it’s a good one. Another key factor for writing is word choice. Starting out with there is or there are for a paragraph is weak. Try starting out with specifics to the topic like “people have misconceptions…” or “Americans hold this view of homeless people….” that is a stronger start. Also, writers should cut out useless language, you can make an impactful statement without big adjectives. We also discussed the visual rederict and the assignment that we are going to do with it. The visuals we looked at were a frame by frame of a PSA about being poor. Every frame gives clues and details about the video even without audio. Understanding the details of each frame is put their intentionally for the use of getting a point or points across.
I’m intrigued that you would describe the Thai Life Insurance video as a “PSA about being poor.” 🙂
You are correct: every frame contain details, just as every word in your essays contains clues to guide the reader toward your conclusion.
When writing an informative essay do not use there are, instead just get to the point.
“There is a huge problem in Vancouver of heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits”
Changes to: Heroin addicts are mugging and stealing from Vancouver residents to support their habits.
The visual aspects of the commercial tell a story alone, but when you add music and the full video you get the true message. The commercial is selling life insurance by proving that doing good deeds may not pay off for you right away or at all, it helps the world become a better place. The same applies for life insurance, while it doesn’t help you or your family immediately, but once it takes affect it will help the family tremendously.
Animal Abuse: 0-1 The dog is laying on the ground bleeding from his leg with a towel wrapped around it
You earn your first point by taking Notes in class, Blue. You get your second point for comparing good deeds to life insurance premiums.
-Do not start sentences with “There is” or “There are” and instead substitute a subject and a verb
-Good writing is brief and clear and expresses a complex idea without wasting unnecessary words
-Use the most robust and active verb you can find to make the sentence stronger
-get as much detail as possible while watching the videos
-look at every aspect of each second in the video to get as much information as possible
-we learned how to analyze the ad videos and we stopped at every second and tried to figure out what was going on and then we watched the entire video with sound and learned that we were correct about most of our assumptions
Good work, Chippy.
I know I’ll sound like a smart-ass, but you should delete the word “unnecessary” from: –
-Don’t begin sentences with there is or there are.
-Substitute the most important term in the sentence with the subject
-We looked at a picture of a boy with a backpack on and had to analyze where we thought he was.
-We then looked at the next second of the video to see how the picture changed.
-We continued to repeat this process and then watched the actual video itself
-In the video there are multiple arguments; some are that money isn’t everything, going out of your way for others has a positive outcome for both yourself and others, etc.
Much more importantly, the primary message is that life insurance will improve the lives of your loved ones after you die.
-For my writing to be the best that it can be it must be short and clear, Express a complex idea. and never waste any words. This although brief can bring great value to my writing as it gives me a checklist to look over when I write.
-It is very important to express all ideas and opinions I have in my writing.
-Never begin a sentence with “There is” or “There are” The word “there” is meaningless and it depends on the weakest possible verb a writer can choose.
-(wrong)There are many misconceptions people hold about the homeless in the United States.
-(right)People hold misconceptions about the homeless in the United States.
-The social video that we watched sent a message that aid money is not everything and love is more important. No good deed goes unseen.
-Very clever advertising for life insurance.
-Story telling is very in depth.
Even “righter”: Americans hold misconceptions about the homeless.
What’s “aid money”?
Good writing expresses complex ideas briefly and clearly
starting a sentence with there is weak. The verbs “to be” are weak.
Life insurance is giving up money now to provide to your family after you are dead. The man in the commercial is sacrificing his time/money so that other people will benefit later.
animal abuse PSA
dog is badly injured, alone on a hard surface, is sad, inside, sloppily bandaged
Like it. Includes lessons; the rest should remind you of content.
While writing informative essays try to avoid the phrases “there are/there is.”
Look for the subject, and make that the actual subject, find an active verb, and compact the sentence
If possible, include a cause and affect argument.
“There is a huge problem in Vancouver of heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits.” –> “Heroin addicts are mugging and robbing Vancouver residents to support their habits.”
Observe and ask lots of questions
Use any clues you can get, as big or small as you can find
Pick out the non-obvious details
Strong argument if you can make it without the readers even realizing that they’ve made it
Animal Abuse Video
0:01 – sad dog with a broken, bloody leg, lying on a cold table, probably in a vets office, most likely abandoned and injured. Focuses on the sad face, but the bloody bandage is still evident in the background. Attention is focused on the dog, so we know what the video is about.
These are good, NoBinary; specific and lesson-focused. You write Notes to remind yourself “what to do,” which is very effective. “Observe.” “Use.” “Pick out.”
You made a reasonable contribution in class, NoBinary. You said, “I’d say, ‘Crimes committed by addicts have proved to be something.'” My response (“I wouldn’t!”) sounded rude on reflection. I stand by the observation, but I regret the reflex reply. I have enough trouble getting students to speak in class; I certainly don’t mean to discourage it. Please accept my apology.
“so we know what the video is about” is nice. Later—not much—we discover the video is about the innocence of targets and the inevitability of their injury.
-our academic writing is supposed to be clear
-we can have ambiguous points of view, but the writing can not be ambiguous
-Example of how to write better,before you post or after you revise, do a search of the work for there is and there are.there is not a weaker way to begin a sentence.
Step 1 here are many misconceptions people hold about the homeless in the United States
This should switch to, Americans hold misconceptions about the homeless.
And there is a tendency to treat homeless people as though they are understanding and compassion. This sentence is wrong
it should be: People treat homeless people as though they are underserving if compassion.
Then combine that to, Because of misconceptions,Americans treat the deserving homeless with little compassion.
There is a huge problem in Vancouver of heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits.
Revise it to:Heroin addicts are mugging and robbing Vancouver residents to support their habits.
Essentially, never use there is and there are.
Analyzing Visual Argument:
-making a persuasive argument in a 30 second video
-we have to analyze the video, and explain what the video means
-example: To demonstrate no money, show a person with a wallet with no money.
-we should be try to gather a good amount if detail, in every part of a video
-we analyzed a few seconds if a video, frame by frame
-every frame, something new about the story and characters came about
-the video shows a man, giving things to others
-it was a life insurance policy ad, a insurance that you pay into but don’t get the benefits of
-We came to learn, every second in a video, tells a story
-the next video shows an injured dog
-every second, the injuries become more apparent, blood becomes easier to see, and the wrapping is seen
-after a few seconds, i is shown the family was abused also
Did you notice you did this?: “THERE IS not a weaker way to begin a sentence.” 🙂
You’ve saved several important lessons here, GreenEggs.
Good writing, brief and clear, expresses a complex idea, wastes not a word.
If an idea is ambiguous, make sure the facts are clearly expressed.
Proofread posts and try to not use there is, it is, or there are to start a sentence. They are weak. You probably don’t need to use the sentence at all if it starts with any of those phrases. If they are needed, rephrase the sentences so those words are not used. Treat sentences as “mini essays” your argument will be more clear and brief.
For analyzing a visual argument, take notes for every second of the video. The readers should know what is going on in the video without having to watch it. Notice shortcuts or “visual keys” that makers of the video use to represent something. For example, empty pockets mean no money. Have the mindset that nothing in the video is accidental, and every second is deliberate. Get as much information as you can from every moment.
Brief and clear.
Written like advice to yourself: every sentence an instruction.
need to be clear of our point of view even if it is ambiguous
How to write better:
Search of perspective work for: there is, there are, that is, they are
There-claim that something exists
Get rid of there is and there are and try to make it combined even smaller
Make the subject whoever is most important in your sentence
watch videos with no sound and find the argument within every second-nothing is accidental, concern is just what we see in the video, describe it well enough that readers can visualize the scene for themselves
Life Insurance video-
Animal Abuse video- dog on table, bloody, wrapped with towel, got closer to dog
Assignment with video analysis
Your first point is for taking Notes in class, Dunkin.
Your second point is for “Nothing is accidental.”
-It is best to describe an idea in as few words as possible. This keeps the reader still interested in your point while leaving you more room for quotes and sources
-try to be specific. Don’t use “it” and “thing”. State what you’re actually talking about. Be descriptive but to the point
-make sure you are not stating an opinion in your writing and do not take a side. You want to create an argument for your topic without taking a side.
-be creative and do not use the usual transition sentences like “in order to”. They are very overused and boring
-while being detailed make sure not to go overboard
-include the necessary details while still keeping the reader interested and making your point clear
Chance, I don’t remember asking you a single question in class today. Did I? Have I been ignoring you? (Is it insulting or a relief?)
I’m not sure what this means. It doesn’t sound like good advice at all:
Overall, I’m confused by your Notes. I don’t understand the caution against going overboard. The warning not to take a side is also confusing.
Do you leave class with clear understanding of lessons learned, Chance? Or am I confusing you? I’ll be glad to clarify if I can.